When You Are Smiling Alone


I decided to go early to the office. As I arrived in the parking lot, I noticed a girl parking her vehicle in the same slot. She was wearing a yellow kurta with stripes all over it with elbow length sleeves and black leggings. I couldn’t see her face. I locked my bike and rushed to stairs. I like to climb four floors through stairs to start my day in the office. It energizes me. As I reached fourth floor and entered premises through a door, I encountered the same girl from the parking lot.

She was beautiful. As her gentle gaze fell on my eyes, I was stuck. She passed by and I realized she was the same girl I saw in cafeteria the day before. The same girl I had a crush on. I just had an unexpected encounter with my crush. What I discovered in her eyes in this unexpected encounter was something more beautiful than what I saw when her eyes met mine and I shied away. This time, it was a genuine look reflecting her genuine qualities. That innocence, that simplicity, that poise, that calmness, and that spontaneity. That gaze didn’t take my breath away, but when I realized she was the same girl from cafeteria, from parking lot, I was smiling to myself.

I was telling myself that these unexpected encounters are exhilarating. I shouldn’t expect to see her whenever I visit cafeteria. I realized the effect these unexpected encounters and eye contacts have on us. I was smiling with joy of this realization. Also blushed a little reminding myself that I just had an eye contact with my crush. The crazy fact is, that feeling, when no one knows why you are smiling and you don’t care if they think you have gone mad, is just beautiful.

(Image courtesy of marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

ज़िन्दगी में ये मकाम आ गया है


ज़िन्दगी में ये मकाम आ गया है,
खुदसेही रूठो, खुदकोही मनाओ,
खुदसेही तकरार करो, खुदकोही अपनाओ,
खुदमेंही उलझ जाओ, खुदसेही सुलझ जाओ,
खुदसेही नफ़रत करो, और खुदकोही प्यार करो|

ज़िन्दगी में ये मकाम आ गया है,
खुदके आँसू खुदही पी जाओ,
खुदका गम खुदीसे बाटो,
खुदही दिल के सारे बिखरे हुए टुकड़े उठाओ,
और खुदको गले लगाके खुदहीको समझाओ,
…की सब ठीक हो जायेगा

(Image Courtesy of usamedeniz at freedigitalphotos.net)

The Fun Was Not Over Yet


‘This is way out of my league,’ I thought as I entered Farzi Café in Pune for office team outing. The restaurant had a beautiful ambiance, delicious food, and great service. The experience was amazing, except an awkward moment when the captain explained me what they serve in orange mocktail and among all those sophisticated words he used to describe the contents of the drink, I didn’t understand any word except, orange mocktail. So out of embarrassment, I said, please get me Orange Mocktail. Besides, I had fun, we all had fun, and we bade adieu to two of our teammates.

I went to my bike which was parked roadside as we waved goodbye to each other after coming out of the cafe. I never thought the fun was not over yet. It was quarter past nine in the evening, the street was little busy, and a crisp weather with a gentle breeze made me wear a sweatshirt on my way to home. I was about to take my sweatshirt out from bag residing on bike’s seat when I saw a white Chevrolet Optra arriving. One of the chauffeurs waiting to take the car to the parking area rushed at the driver’s side.

The guy handed him the key. From the left front door, the girl, fair, chubby, in her mid-twenties stepped out of a car with a handbag. Her eyes, outlined with a super thick wing lining reflected dubious and self-obsessed nature. The upper half of her hair was tied in a ponytail and the lower half was hanging loose. She was wearing black off-shoulder long sleeved shirt, grey knee-length skirt, and black pointy toed five-inch heels. The guy was marching slowly on the other side till he reached the left rear wheel of car. He was handsome, medium-framed, and in his mid-twenties too. He was wearing a purple shirt, light blue pair of jeans, and brown loafers. His entire poise conveyed sophistication. Suddenly, he hurried to the left front door which was already opened and asked the chauffeur not to move ahead.

He checked left pocket of his jeans for something, then right pocket, and started searching something below the seat. I guessed he might have dropped his phone. He moved the left front seat back and forth. Then, the chauffeur also checked below the driver’s seat by coming out of the car. They found nothing. The guy looked worried. The girl asked him to check on the backseat. But he didn’t find anything. So he asked girl to give her phone. I thought I was right. He was searching for his phone. As soon as he took her phone, he didn’t dial his phone number. Rather, he asked her whether there is a balance in her phone. And to my astonishment, she said no. I was surprisingly, utterly shocked. Her phone was Samsung Galaxy S7, attire was class, and entire demeanor conveyed sophistication too. How can a girl, who radiated lofty standards as per my observation, does not have a balance in her phone? But the guy didn’t look surprised at all. He asked chauffeur to dial his number. He dialed and the phone rang. And another surprise, rather a big blow was awaiting me. The phone was in her handbag. She handed over the phone to him with a brittle laugh and a surprise. She forgot that the phone was in her bag all the time. He gave her an enraged look as he took the phone and her laugh extinguished. He asked the chauffeur to carry on.

The guy asked her to move ahead and made some phone calls. I wore my sweatshirt and left. On my way to home, I was thinking more about what happened outside the restaurant than what happened inside. I forget a lot of things a lot of times, because I am always busy in living in my own world. I was relieved that there are people in the world who are self-obsessed like me and do not care about what is happening around. But one thing I was not able to understand was how can anyone not have a balance in such an expensive smartphone? Above all, he asked whether there was balance in the phone, which implies, this was not the first time. And I burst into laughing when I realized this. He asked about balance before dialing and she said no balance. And above all, he had to face an embarrassment when they found the phone in her handbag. What that chauffeur would have thought? This was the reason behind that enraged look he gave her, I guess. But I was laughing the whole time on my way to home over this incidence. I replayed it and laughed again and again. Witnessing this incident was the best way I could finish my day.

(Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

It’s Better To Live In a Fantasy World


It is better to live in a fantasy world,
Where I can have conversations
I was afraid to have in the first place,
Where I can finish some conversations
In a style with a witty punch line,
Where I can pretend not having
Those horrible and filthy conversations.

It is better to live in a fantasy world,
Where I can imagine only those things
That put a smile on my face,
Where I can think of only those things
That fills my mind with happiness,
Where I can unload those things
That tore my heart to pieces.

It is better to live in a fantasy world,
Where I don’t have to worry about
Everything that is temporary,
Where I don’t have to face brutal reality
In which, everything vanishes in a blink,
Where I don’t have to get attached
To those who are not meant to stay forever.

It is better to live in a fantasy world,
Where everything lasts
Till the time I want it to last,
Where I can replay those moments
That I want to live again and again,
Where I can recreate perfect memories
To give myself satisfaction I deserve.

The crazy fact,
It is better to live in a fantasy world,
So I don’t have to,
Face the real world,
Accept whatever comes in a way,
Experience sorrow that follows,
Deprive myself of peace of mind,
And only,
Experience the exhilaration of,
Being who I want to be,
Whenever I want to be.

So Small World, So Huge Attachment


So small world, so huge attachment,
So less closed ones, so deeper bonding,
And when the time for goodbye comes,
No one to talk, to express,
To be open, unfiltered, and genuine,
The vulnerability has no way to flow,
And I, alone can’t handle it.

I fed my mind so many fables,
But daydreaming has its drawbacks,
It deepens the attachment,
Without letting you know,
Without your control over it,
When attachment deepens,
Control over detachment diminishes.

Then the question arises,
Why did I trained my mind in such way?
Why did I fed irrational fables?
Why did I keep my world so small?
Am I still a kid who roams in dreamland?
And believes in fairy tales?
Only to make separation hard for myself.

May be feeding fables is not irrational,
Stiffing my comfort zone is,
Closing doors for new thing is,
Living in a small world is,
Not expanding my horizon is,
The crazy fact,
Not having someone, to whom,
I can express unfiltered feelings is.

(Image courtesy of tuelekza at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

उस नाजूकसी नजाकतने…


उस नाजूकसी नजाकतने न जाने कितनो को घायल किया,
जैसे सवारी उन्होने जुल्फे अपनी, हमने खुदही को भुला दिया।
उनकी इक नजर मे, हमारे तो होश उड़ जाते थे,
पता नही उनके घर के आयने हररोज़ बिखर कर केसे जुड़ जाते थे ।

सवारना तो हम भी चाहते थे अपने दिल को,
समझाना तो हम भी चाहते थे अपने दिल को,
पर क्या करे, उन आँखों की मस्ती ने हमको रोक दिया,
इक झपक मे हीे, अपना दिल हमने उनके प्यार मे झोक दिया ।

जलन होती थी हमे उनसे, जिनके साथ वो हसती खेलती थी,
और हम तो उनकी इक नजर के लिए तरस जाते थे,
पर क्या करे, उन लोगों को उन लम्हो की कदर नही थी,
और हम उनके खयालो मे पूरी ज़िन्दगी जी जाते थे ।

उनकी जिंदादिली देख कर हम जमाने की बुजदिली भुल गए,
और उनसे हुई थोडीसी गुफ्तगू हमारी, हमारे तो किस्मत के दरवाजे खुल गए ।
उनकी इक मुस्कुराहट देख कर ही, हमारा मन भर जाता था,
क्योंकि कुछ देर के लिए ही सही, पर दिनमे चाँद जमींपर दस्तक लगाने आता था ।

बहुत शर्मीले है हम, उनके खयालो मे ही ख्वाब बुनते बेठे,
हमसे दिल का हाल बताने मे थोड़ी देर क्या हुई, वो किसी और को अपना दिल थमा बेठे।
उन्हें समजना चाहते थे हम, पर वो अपने ही दुनिया मे मस्त हो रहे थे,
और हम जो हमारा कभी ना था, वो ना मिलने के गम मे शिकवा कर रहे थे ।

(Image Courtesy of Ambro at freedigitalphotos.net)

Don’t Tell Anybody, It’s My Secret


Hey, my friend, I have a story to tell,
Don’t tell anybody, it’s my secret.

Yes, friend. Say what you feel.
I won’t tell anybody. Your secret is safe.

And lot of friends, started pouring their secrets,
Confiding in me, trusting me with their true self.

I’m a quiet guy, a good listener.
I know inside stories; it makes me special.

So, I encouraged everyone, to speak their heart out,
To tell what others shouldn’t know, I gave them an ear.

That’s what a friend should do, I was happy to be a good friend,
Secretly happy to know secrets, and then it started.

And my inherent nature of overthinking added more fire to it,
I was getting anxious over what they all were going through.

I was at peace when I looked and reflected upon my life,
But I couldn’t find peace when I pondered on those miserable stories.

They were only craving for understanding and no judgment,
that’s why they chose me to hold those deepest secrets.

But what about me? Have they ever thought how difficult it is?
To bear those honest and unfiltered stories and feelings.

When the whole world has different perspective about them,
And I have to hide the truth that may change the world’s perspective.

It became difficult & agonizing, to bear so many stories inside,
My mind may burst one day with overload of stories.

Yes, those stories were touching, some unreasonable, and irrational.
And it was painful for me to realize that I can do nothing, but listen.

The crazy fact, the heart that hold a lot of secrets, is full.
But still it’s empty, because it’s also helpless.

(Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)