Living this way has torn me.
No hope, no light is evident,
No ray of opportunity,
Only diving deep into darkness
Of invisible realms,
No energy left, no enthusiasm,
Wishing for easy way out
Only hoping for the time of resurrection.
Finding out how that brave found courage
To live their purpose.
I got no fight left in me,
No trust in me, No optimism in me,
Only a mind, filled with envy
For those who made it.
Only expectation of the time of resurrection.
Finding excuses for not doing anything,
Over thinking, over analyzing,
Imagining worst case scenario.
I only desire to destroy everything
To divert from all the nonsense,
Finding a way to convince myself
How my situation is different,
Why I should not do it,
Why I should not take a small step
To reduce the intensity of my misery.
How they could do it and I couldn’t
But I will do it one day,
After the time of resurrection.
No matter how much I read, or listen
Those inspirational books,
Those motivational speeches,
I lost my mind though,
No reaction to those great thoughts,
No implementation of those good intentions,
Just go for a walk into the unknown,
Imaging what I will do
Once I resurrect!
I tried to forget the important.
Life is too short to worry.
So, just lose it and go berserk,
Because, in the end,
whatever I do,
All will be gone with me.
Nothing is going to matter
When I’m gone!
After some mourning, and sobbing
Everyone else will carry on,
Is the resurrection worth it?
But why I want to resurrect,
Why to make some efforts,
To make something beautiful?
Something bigger than myself?
What am I going to do with it?
Help people who don’t care
What’s happening with me.
Or for people,
Who wants me to bend as per their will.
I don’t want to resurrect!
So, I destroyed myself,
No longer suffering, no misery,
But, everything went wrong,
Nothing finished, it just got more complicated!
And then I realized,
Even though, I thought,
Nothing will matter,
But only ‘being there’ matters,
My inaction was responsible,
For not being able to resurrect!
And the crazy fact is,
The time for resurrection does not come
Until a shovel of ‘massive actions’ is used
To dig the grave of ‘misery’.
(Image Courtesy of iosphere at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)