At last, I am Attached

No matter how much I tried,
I got attached,
Knowing the attachment,
Will result in disappointment.

I lash out at myself,
How can I do that?
When I knew the end result,
Of getting attached.

While roaming in my dreams,
The attachment felt like a fairy tale,
But when the reality hit,
It turned out to be a nightmare.

Then I pretend, I wasn’t attached,
It was something else,
When I said that, I failed,
To find a word for that something else.

But is it in our hands?
To get attached to
And not to get attached to,
Someone… Consciously?

Yes, it is, I think.
When we knew the result,
Why to feed the brain with fairy tales?
Why to roam in dreams?

No, it isn’t, I then think.
Because those dreams emerged,
Without my control,
And that’s the best time I could have.

It felt like, I don’t want to,
Get back to brutal reality,
But I have to, because the life is,
Not about dreams and fairy tales.

What’s nightmarish was,
Admitting myself that,
I got attached,
Even after deciding not to.

The crazy fact,
What’s more nightmarish is,
To get unattached consciously,
After getting attached unconsciously.

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Mine Is Also Broken

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He stopped on his way to home from office as he saw her outside his office building. She could see a disappointing expression on his face, but pretended that everything was fine between them. He continues walking; neglecting her with his face indicating a rift that cannot be fixed.
“Is that how you treat your acquaintances? Don’t they teach you manners in here?” said she, playfully. He stopped.
“Is that how you break someone’s heart?” said he, without looking at her. Sumit was an IT professional, in his mid twenties, and chose to walk 10 kilometers every day from office to home as a punishment after heartbreak.
“How about, hi Ayushi, how are you? And then we can talk about that?” said she, a cheerful, vivacious, and articulate girl. They were in a relationship for eight years. This was the first they were meeting after the marriage of Ayushi.
“You broke my heart and there is nothing else to talk about. Then why are you here?”
“I’m here to talk to you to make you realize that just because I broke your heart doesn’t mean mine is not broken.”

***

They strolled up to a kilometer. Sumit was still hesitant to talk, while Ayushi was trying to cheer him up to talk in an attempt to make him forgive her.
“Let’s be adults now and talk about what happened and how it happened, so you will stop giving yourself this senseless punishment,” said she.
“I don’t know why people think this is senseless, like they did all the meaningful things in their lives,” replied he. The sarcasm hurt her. But she knew there was a lot more coming on her way.
“Let me tell you something. I take full responsibility of what happened. But please listen to me. I’m asking you to be a guy who always understood me in a way no one else did.”
“Why? Are you the same caring girl who always cared about my feelings? And taking full responsibility after what happened, doesn’t change anything.”
“But opening about how you feel does.”
“Let’s do that. I’m ready to open up and tell you how I feel.”
He paused for a moment. Ayushi was excited to hear what he had to say.
He said, “I feel you are wearing nice shoes. But looking at those, I don’t think you can walk into it for 10 kilometers, so why don’t you just stop, leave me alone, and get along with your life?”
“Thanks. And how about you getting into those shoes? Forget about walking next 10 kilometers, you will get an idea of how I have walked till now.”
He halted, gazed at her, and said, “Okay, I’m listening.”
***

She told her about the emotional roller coaster ride she went through and not involving him in the process because of her father’s threats. Acquainted with her father’s capabilities, she knew her father didn’t make any empty threats. She told Sumit that she took the decision to go against her wishes only to protect him. He didn’t buy it. But he also forgot that he was also responsible equally for not coming forward. Though Ayushi didn’t allow him to confront her father, he had to take a chance. After all, she was his life. But he was into the periphery of blaming her that he could not see a mirror. And she was not aware of any mirror because the lack of confrontation was out of integrity of their relationship.
***

“You told me your side of story. Now, let me tell you, I’m not mad at you anymore. Whatever happened was not entirely your fault. I’m equally responsible for it. I should have confronted your father. I know your father and I also know why were you stopping me. It would have been my privilege to die for you. I should’ve died once, because it’s better than dying every day,” admitted Sumit. Tears dripped down from Ayushi’s eyes.
“Don’t say that,” said Ayushi, trying to take blame on herself.
“Ayushi, wake up,” aroused her husband. “I’m sorry. Last night, I was way off the line. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m ready to apologize and I’ll make up for that. How about shopping and then lunch at your favorite place?”
It took a moment to figure out that it was a dream and yet Sumit had not forgiven her.
“I know it hurt you so much that you can’t stop thinking about it in your sleep. I know I’ve hurt you. Please forgive me,” said her husband.
“It’s fine,” said Ayushi. Her husband hugged and thanked her. Her mother-in-law called them for breakfast from kitchen.
After two years of marriage, she was still seeking forgiveness from Sumit. The crazy fact is, she had to go through another day in which she had to choose what she had with them over she might have had with Sumit.


(Image courtesy of smarnad at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

I’m Talking Through My Heart

She’s so angry at me,
I irritate her a lot,
With my unreasonable talks,
She complains.
But why can’t she understand?
All I want is, her attention.
Actually, she’s being unreasonable.
The crazy fact is,
I’m talking through my heart,
And she’s listening through her mind.

Own Set of Struggles

​Choosing the path out of escape,
Strode with the hope of little more peace,
But the choice made life more chaotic.
How I can forget,
The struggle never ends,
Every path has its own set of struggles.

The Dusk of Desire

The sun lazily crept down the horizon as they held each other’s hand enjoying the view in front. The fog leapt hills adjoining the dam and greenery adorned the hill. Seated on a high wall beside the dam, their eyes twinkled as they watched the water flow calmly; the soothing effect reached deep into their minds. A gentle breeze blew every now and then, sending slight shivers through their veins. The surrounding greenery soaked into their sub-conscience, they looked into each other’s eyes. She gave him an affectionate smile. He held her closer, sliding his hand comfortably over her shoulder. They turned back their gazes to experience the magnificent beauty of the scenery that lay ahead. Immersed deep into the profoundness of the moment, they hardly realized that this would be another priced addition to their treasure of memories.

It was in that moment when they were dissociated from the rest of the world. Their cellphones stashed aside, it was their eyes which did the capturing – slowly acknowledging each other’s presence and the surreal atmosphere around.

‘This is too beautiful to be real!’ she remarked.
‘Yes. And so are you,’ he nudged.
‘But I am here. With you, right now!’
She edged closer.
‘Don’t act all surprised. I know you think you are the most beautiful in the world.’
‘Yeah… That’s right!’ She shrugged.
‘And you have no idea how ‘right’ it is!’
He smiled.
‘Let’s do it now,’ she said.

They propped against each other and stood up against the blowing wind. Both looked down at the flowing water once again – towards the blinding white froth that would act as the end-curtain to their epic stories.


This post was written in association with my friend, writer, and a nyctophile, Anamika Kumari.