Who Left That Window Ajar

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I don’t know who left that window ajar. I stepped into his room to gather his clothes, but my gaze diverted toward the rays of sunlight infiltrating into the room. I opened the window and peered into the sky. A tint of yellow and blue spread across it. A cool breeze of the evening caressed my body. A kid is chasing another kid on the street ecstatically​, both of them filled with delight.

Everything is supposed to make me feel blithesome. No, it failed. When this heavy heart has to drift an unfathomable sorrow for the rest of the life and all attempts to run toward gayety go in vain, the turbulent riot inside becomes unstoppable, sometimes unbearable. Who can obliterate his fond, bitter memories? I remember my tumultuous wail of pain howling inside these four walls a year ago on the same day. 

My life ceased at that moment when I realized the blood won’t circulate anymore into his veins, he won’t respond to my call, he won’t see anything, and his heart won’t beat anymore. He was 27. That appealing call from a stranger that night gave me ineffable sensations​. I rushed to the hospital and doctor conveyed that the fate deprived me of the best person in the world.

Everyone reassured that my life isn’t over. I can’t change what happened, but I must not lose hope. I think he wants the same. That’s why he left this window ajar. So he could say hi to me through this breeze and instill a ray of hope through these rays entering through the slit. These clothes absorbed all the love he had and now they are permeating it in the air I am breathing into. I can try to convince myself all I want. The crazy fact is, two people demised that day. A son and… a mother.

बिछड़ गए हम आपसे जिस लम्हे में

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बिछड़ गए हम आपसे जिस लम्हे में, उस लम्हेने सारा सुकून छीन लिया,
चैन खो गया दिलका जैसे, डोर से टूटकर पतंगने अपना वजूद खो दिया,

इरादे सहम गए ज़िंदा रहनेके जैसे गर्दिशने तारोको गुम कर दिया,
खो गई हस्ती आपके बिना हमारी और परछाईओने भी पेहचाननेंसे इन्कार कर दिया,

आसमानोंकी अर्ज़ियां सुनकर लम्हे थम जाते है क्या कभी?
ज़ुन्झ ज़ुन्झ कर अपने आपसे, कोई सुलझता है क्या कभी?

खुदगर्ज़ है ये ज़िन्दगी, कभी कभार कैसे सितम ढाती है?
सितारोंको छूनेकी बात करने वालोको, हमेशा ज़मीनही क्यों नसीब हो जाती है?

दिन और रात गुजर जाते है रोज़, बिखरे हुए दिलके टुकड़े इकट्ठा करनेमें,
फिर मिलने की आसने ज़िंदा रखा है, वरना कितना वक्त लगता है अपने आपको मिटानेमें।


Wish You All A Very Happy World Poetry Day..!! 😀 😀

Power of Darkness

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I never wanted to be aloof,
No one wants to,
But I had to choose to be,
To isolate myself.

I had to choose that way,
Because I didn’t want to be,
In a company of people,
Who did not believe in me.

I knew, it included the people,
Who were close to me,
Family and friends,
I couldn’t believe, they were pulling me down.

I wanted to surround myself,
With people who will uplift me,
Who will believe in me,
When I lose all the hope.

But that’s just a fairytale for me,
I thought I’ll make myself so strong,
I won’t need anyone else to lift myself up,
But it was impossible.

So here I am, sitting alone in the room,
Trying to shed a tear at my misery.
But I can’t, I just can’t,
I don’t know what happened to me.

I can’t feel anything,
The loneliness swallowed me,
And drowned me into darkness,
From where I could see no light.

I have drowned so deep,
It even seems futile,
To make an effort,
To find the light.

This darkness is a consequence,
Of the choice I made consciously,
And I am glad I made this choice,
I could see the different world.

I see different shades of it,
Some of those shades show original versions,
Some show strange realities,
And those are uglier than I thought.

The crazy fact,
What I never thought was,
The darkness had power to show,
Brutally honest versions of the world.


(Image courtesy of Sira Anamwong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

And Above All.. I Miss.. YOU

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I have been trying to fill the void,
Since the time we had to part ways.
I tried to submerge myself in work,
Listen to songs imagining you in those lyrics,
And pretend to be happy by laughing out loud.

But the time comes when I realize,
These are all temporary ways to escape.
I can try everything to convince myself,
That everything is fine and this is life,
This happens, and there’s no big deal about it.

But let me tell you the truth,
I’m not able to fill the void,
I must not try to find an alternate escape,
It’s meaningless and it’s driving me insane,
The restlessness is rising constantly.

I’m trying to act mature, like a grown up kid,
I can’t do it anymore. I’m still a kid, it seems,
So the only way to deal with this,
Accept the fact that you are irreplaceable in my life,
The bond we shared is irreplaceable.

I just want to stop pretending and embrace the feeling.
We feel what we feel, we are humans,
No one is perfect and that’s the beauty of it,
And there is nothing wrong about it.
So, yes, I think of you all the time.

I cry when I think of all those moments,
when we laughed wholeheartedly.
I smile when I think of those times,
When we opened our hearts out,
And tried to understand each other rather than judging.

The crazy fact,
I miss everything.
And above all, I miss you.
I wish the destiny would intervene,
And set everything right again.


(Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

Mine Is Also Broken

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He stopped on his way to home from office as he saw her outside his office building. She could see a disappointing expression on his face, but pretended that everything was fine between them. He continues walking; neglecting her with his face indicating a rift that cannot be fixed.
“Is that how you treat your acquaintances? Don’t they teach you manners in here?” said she, playfully. He stopped.
“Is that how you break someone’s heart?” said he, without looking at her. Sumit was an IT professional, in his mid twenties, and chose to walk 10 kilometers every day from office to home as a punishment after heartbreak.
“How about, hi Ayushi, how are you? And then we can talk about that?” said she, a cheerful, vivacious, and articulate girl. They were in a relationship for eight years. This was the first they were meeting after the marriage of Ayushi.
“You broke my heart and there is nothing else to talk about. Then why are you here?”
“I’m here to talk to you to make you realize that just because I broke your heart doesn’t mean mine is not broken.”

***

They strolled up to a kilometer. Sumit was still hesitant to talk, while Ayushi was trying to cheer him up to talk in an attempt to make him forgive her.
“Let’s be adults now and talk about what happened and how it happened, so you will stop giving yourself this senseless punishment,” said she.
“I don’t know why people think this is senseless, like they did all the meaningful things in their lives,” replied he. The sarcasm hurt her. But she knew there was a lot more coming on her way.
“Let me tell you something. I take full responsibility of what happened. But please listen to me. I’m asking you to be a guy who always understood me in a way no one else did.”
“Why? Are you the same caring girl who always cared about my feelings? And taking full responsibility after what happened, doesn’t change anything.”
“But opening about how you feel does.”
“Let’s do that. I’m ready to open up and tell you how I feel.”
He paused for a moment. Ayushi was excited to hear what he had to say.
He said, “I feel you are wearing nice shoes. But looking at those, I don’t think you can walk into it for 10 kilometers, so why don’t you just stop, leave me alone, and get along with your life?”
“Thanks. And how about you getting into those shoes? Forget about walking next 10 kilometers, you will get an idea of how I have walked till now.”
He halted, gazed at her, and said, “Okay, I’m listening.”
***

She told her about the emotional roller coaster ride she went through and not involving him in the process because of her father’s threats. Acquainted with her father’s capabilities, she knew her father didn’t make any empty threats. She told Sumit that she took the decision to go against her wishes only to protect him. He didn’t buy it. But he also forgot that he was also responsible equally for not coming forward. Though Ayushi didn’t allow him to confront her father, he had to take a chance. After all, she was his life. But he was into the periphery of blaming her that he could not see a mirror. And she was not aware of any mirror because the lack of confrontation was out of integrity of their relationship.
***

“You told me your side of story. Now, let me tell you, I’m not mad at you anymore. Whatever happened was not entirely your fault. I’m equally responsible for it. I should have confronted your father. I know your father and I also know why were you stopping me. It would have been my privilege to die for you. I should’ve died once, because it’s better than dying every day,” admitted Sumit. Tears dripped down from Ayushi’s eyes.
“Don’t say that,” said Ayushi, trying to take blame on herself.
“Ayushi, wake up,” aroused her husband. “I’m sorry. Last night, I was way off the line. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m ready to apologize and I’ll make up for that. How about shopping and then lunch at your favorite place?”
It took a moment to figure out that it was a dream and yet Sumit had not forgiven her.
“I know it hurt you so much that you can’t stop thinking about it in your sleep. I know I’ve hurt you. Please forgive me,” said her husband.
“It’s fine,” said Ayushi. Her husband hugged and thanked her. Her mother-in-law called them for breakfast from kitchen.
After two years of marriage, she was still seeking forgiveness from Sumit. The crazy fact is, she had to go through another day in which she had to choose what she had with them over she might have had with Sumit.


(Image courtesy of smarnad at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

It’s Good to See You

‘We are done with the interview. Do you want to ask me anything?’ asked Ms. Shivangi, an interviewer with a pretty smile.

I applied for a job of creative writer at a leading viral content company. I took a deep breath and asked the question I wanted to ask so ardently, ‘Tell me something about yourself.’

She smiled amusingly and replied, ‘I am working as a senior editor for this firm from last six months. I graduated from New York University in MFA and returned to India. This is my first job after graduation.’

I nodded.

‘Anything else you want to know?’

‘No.’

‘Then we are done here. Thanks for coming, we will get back to you shortly.’

I expressed gratitude, stood up from chair, and stared blindly at desk.

‘Anything else?’ asked she.

‘Have you not been my interviewer, I would have said something to you what I am about to say now.’

She looked intently at me.

I continued, ‘I like your smile. It is the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. And I couldn’t help but notice, you don’t have a ring on your finger. So I just want to say, I love you, will you marry me?’

She frowned and said, ‘Yes.’

‘You just said yes?’ I asked, exalted.

‘Yeah, I said yes. Yes, you can leave now. Because, have you not been my interviewee, I would have said something to you what I am about to say now. Your writing is a piece of crap, your interview was waste of my time, and above all, your charm is ridiculous. And I couldn’t help but notice, this is the end of our discussion.’

We both were silent for a moment.

I smiled softly and said, ‘It’s good to see you.’

She appreciated with a brittle smile and a blink. A guilt radiated through her eyes.

The crazy fact, she was my ex-girlfriend who left me five years ago for NYU.

Broken Strings of Guitar

“Do they conduct guitar classes in here?” asked Pratiksha as Kaushal stepped out of a multi-facility hall.

“I don’t know that,” replied Kaushal. “But I know one thing, no guitarist can compose a tune as beautiful as you.”

She laughed. And he lost himself in her uninhibited laughter, just like he did when he used to stare her furtively in college and she laughed like there was no tomorrow.

“No, you’re wrong,” said she as she regained her gasp. “I know two guitarists who composed a tune as beautiful as me.”

“Ohh! You are right,” exclaimed he. “Your parents.”

“Yes.”

Both of them remained quiet for few moments, looked around nervously to avoid eye contact, and pretended everything was normal.

Finally, Pratiksha broke that awkward silence, “It’s good to see you, Kaushal. You are doing great. You have become a guitar teacher and a member of a band, which plays at Hard Rock Café every Tuesday.”

“What are you doing here?” retorted he.

“Do you mean, how are you? Good to see you too.”

He was quiet and staring at the ring in her finger. She left him without a goodbye after being in a relationship for six years.

“I want to talk to you,” said she.

“There is nothing to talk about,” said he, indifferently.

“Yes, there is.”

“No, there isn’t.”

“You don’t know what is happening to that tune now? And what that tune is going through?”

“I know one thing. Those two guitarists composed a beautiful tune and then broke the strings. The only difference was; those were the strings of two hearts. Those strings always played a melodious tunes of love. But social stigmas found those tunes discordant, so they broke it and thought one of those strings will compose a tune harmoniously with an unknown strings. And you followed them.”

“That’s not the whole symphony.”

“I don’t want to strike those cords now. I realized that some tunes, no matter how harmonious they sound, were not meant to be played together.”

“There is a reason why they were not forced to play together. And I’m here to tell that.”

“Then you have to keep that reason to yourself. Because I’m not mad at you for what you have done. You don’t have to clarify yourself. I’ve moved on. I also realized that destiny is a conductor in the orchestra and we are just musicians playing on its directions.”