Sometimes, I Wonder…

 

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Sometimes, all I ever do is,
Wonder whether there is,
Any limit to stupidity,
Though I have been, at times,
The biggest fool,
On the planet earth.

Sometimes, all I ever do is,
Wonder whether there is,
Any beauty without imperfection,
Thought I disdain,
Imperfections in people,
Because of which I’ve suffered.

Sometimes, all I ever do is,
Wonder whether there is,
Any alternative to boredom.
Though I have become the most,
Boring person I’ve known,
When I chose a monotonous life.

Sometimes, all I ever do is,
Wonder whether there is,
Any end to hope.
Though I have lost the hope,
Of seeing light,
In darkness I chose to stroll in.

Sometimes, all I ever do is,
Wonder whether there is,
An alternative to loneliness.
Though I have chosen it,
To stay away from negativity,
And loneliness itself evoked negativity.

Sometimes, all I ever do is,
Wonder whether there is,
An unconditional acceptance.
Though I have judged people,
Realizing judgmental nature,
Never evokes acceptance for anyone.

And the crazy fact,
Sometimes, all I ever do is,
Wonder whether there is,
A pure love that stems from heart,
Though I have used my mind,
To fall in love, and manipulate myself,
That it was a pure love.


(Image courtesy of tuelekza at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

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Value Of A Green Colored Note

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Vehicles stopped as it turned red. Ignition was turned off. Drivers checked their phones to call back, office going people checked watches to know whether they were running late, and some were just looking around. The red light meant to stop for vehicles, but for that boy, it signaled to begin his work to earn daily bread. He was around 14 years old, wearing stained t-shirt & shorts, disheveled hair, and looked like he hadn’t had bath for days. Animal toys made up of plastic was the product he was selling. As he moved to every bike and car, his eyes radiated need. The need for two-time meal for him and his family. He didn’t utter a word, only showed toys. People either nodded in rejection or neglected. But he was going to everyone without worrying about their reactions.

As he approached a guy on bike, he encountered something he might have forgotten. That guy on bike smiled at him. The guy was around 30 years of age, fair, van-dyke beard, wore a casual shirt & a pair of jeans, and flipped up the front part of helmet. His eyes radiated fascination for the little boy. The boy would have never thought of this reaction. People either disdained or pitied him for having to do what he was doing. The guy stared for a moment and took out wallet from back pocket. The boy was looking at him with a hope. The guy took out a hundred rupee note and asked whether he has change. He nodded. He handed over a cat toy as the guy handed over the note.

The boy peered at that hundred rupee note in bewilderment and amusement. The guy asked him to hurry by pointing toward the signal lights. The boy took out notes from the pocket of shorts. The toy might have costed 10 or 20 rupees. The boy handed over only three 10 rupee notes, taking out one note at a time. The guy asked him to hurry as he noticed 12 seconds remaining. The boy looked puzzled for a moment. He didn’t even know how much should be returned. He took out another 10 rupee note and gestured that he doesn’t have more.

Other vehicles had its ignition turned on. As the guy noticed the light was about to turn green and other vehicles are on the verge of moving, he asked the boy to keep that note safely, kept the wallet in the back pocket, flipped down the front part of helmet, and moved ahead. The boy kept the note in the pocket and crossed the road by dodging vehicles. As I looked for the guy on bike, he disappeared in the middle of the raging vehicles.

I wondered why does people say that humanity has vanished. No, humanity is alive. Though it is not evident to naked eyes, but it evident when looked closely. No one knew the circumstances in which that little boy had to do what he was doing. No one cared whether he was getting enough food, but that guy cared. That guy was not concerned about the unreturned money. He knew the unreturned money will not much different in his life, but it surely does in that little boy’s life. The boy, who should be in school learning mathematics was earning daily bread. He was around 15 years of age and didn’t know mathematics implies that he has been doing this for years. These small incidents of humanity, care, and concern for those deprived ones show that humanity will not vanish.

The crazy fact is, the faith on humanity is restored when the green colored note teaches a lesson on humanity.


 

(Image courtesy of jiggoja at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

The Story of New Hairstyle

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I have always been fond of hairstyles, but never dared to get one. I held back myself from getting a hairstyle due to fear of ‘how I will look.’ This time, it was the occasion of convocation ceremony – an official way of university to allow us to explore new horizons. Sportsmen change hairstyles or go bald after winning major trophies. So, I thought I would do the same. The time was right to embody the spirit of new life with new hairstyle. The time was right to do things I have never done before. The time was right to take a leap, doesn’t matter it’s small or big. This new life will definitely ask something that I am unwilling to do, but have to do despite unknown outcomes.

Furthermore, I decided to go to a local hair salon, not to big name hair salon. The major reason behind going to local salon was related with current phase of my life. I graduated with engineering degree, but decided to pursue my dream of becoming a writer. I am amateur at writing. Barbers over there were not much experienced or amateur in doing trending hairstyles though they have been cutting hair for so long. Similarly, I have been writing from past three years and yes, I’m still an amateur. If I ask them I want a Tapered Undercut or High Fade With Medium Slicked Pomp, they won’t understand a word. They have to stretch themselves, read some hairstyle related magazines, or visit websites that provide information about trending hairstyles. In the same way, if I read ‘striving to obliterate excruciating memories is preposterous,’ then I won’t understand the meaning and I have to expand my vocabulary. I have to write more, hone my skills, and stretch my mind to get better.

I showed him a photo and asked whether he did this before. As expected, he said no, but affirmed he will try to do exactly as it was in the photo. I thought I should trust him considering his willingness to try. Similarly, a company gave me a job in writing and an opportunity to learn & develop skills considering my willingness to learn. He observed details in that photo and he did well. Not really good. But good. Same way I am doing right now with my writing skills. Not really good, but good.

And the crazy fact is, I know what this hairstyle is called as. It’s ‘Medium Fade with Medium Length Pompadour.’

Role Reversal

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“Why did you behave like that? You insulted my friends for no reason. They were joking. And you are asking me what happened?” slammed Anshuman to his girlfriend Kavya on phone. She came to his room in the afternoon to meet him as usual. His roommates started teasing them. It was a witty banter by friends when girlfriend of a guy shows up. He was taking it sportingly, but she lost her temper. She retorted back and things got out of hands. Her behavior was unacceptable to Anshu as well. He asked her to leave to cool down the situation. He called her after half an hour of her departure. In a meantime, he was trying to calm down his friends.

Anshuman was a 20 years old smart, funny, extrovert guy with a good sense of humor. The humor was his asset for which Kavya fell in love with him. Today, his other side was more dominating this conversation. He was probably a cool minded guy, but lost his cool due to misbehavior of Kavya.

“Calm down, Anshu. Let’s talk about it,” replied Kavya.

Kavya was a 20 years old sincere, intense, and quiet girl. She was also short tempered and always reacted on impulse without thinking about consequences. Her spontaneous nature was the most adorable thing for Anshu. She spent most of the time in books and loved contemplating about every day things.

“No, I won’t calm down. This is happening a lot. Every time you act weird, you tell me you were just kidding or give some stupid explanation. Is that what you are going do again?”

“No, I can explain. But, you need to calm down first.”

“What is there to explain? I’ve had enough of your explanations. You act weird, then give some stupid explanations, and expect me to understand you. I kept cool for so long. I tried to understand you every time. You know that, but I don’t know what your problem is?”

“Let’s do one thing. We will meet tomorrow and talk. Till then, just calm down.”

They were in a relationship for one and a half years. Kavya used to get angry over silly & funny things Anshu did to entertain her. She used to say a lot of things that shouldn’t be said, react on impulse without knowing what she is saying and Anshu used to understand her reactions. He knew it was her nature and she didn’t mean anything wrong. Sometimes, Anshu found her spontaneous reactions childish, but cute. He tried to make her angry on purpose to evoke those reactions. She used to get mad at her and Anshu used to coax. Little moments like, making her laugh by cracking jokes out of nowhere; making fun of her serious talks was making their relationship special. She was a serious kind of girl, but was so cheerful around Anshu. This time, it was Anshu who was getting angry and Kavya was trying to coax. The roles were reversed. That’s why they say it’s complicated in relationship.

They decided to meet at café where they met usually. But later, Anshu asked her to meet at their college ground. His intensions were clear. He wanted to confront her and break up. Her strange behavior, her mood swings were beyond his understanding now. He thought that his understanding kept their relationship going and she was doing same mistakes frequently. So, he decided that he will not listen to any stupid explanation she will give and break things up.

* * *

Anshu was sitting under the tree at the corner of the ground. It was 2’o’clock in the hot summer afternoon. The scorching heat of sun was nullified by shadow of a tree. It helped him to calm down and get ready to confront her. It was the most difficult conversation he was going to have. As she arrived, she gave a cheerful smile to Anshu, while he returned a contemptuous smile.

“Hi, you good?” asked Kavya in a charming tone.

“Wrong question,” said Anshu in a firm voice, looking intensely at her. She laughed.

“I know. And I’m the reason. I always wonder how you can find the humor out of nowhere. Even when you are angry, it doesn’t affect you. You can find it from anywhere.”

Kavya tried to cheer him up a little. She knew he wasn’t trying to be funny.

“We are not here to talk about my sense of humor.”

“Yeah. I apologize for my behavior with your friends and you. I said something to your friends and to you that I shouldn’t have. My mood swings and weird behavior is affecting you. I have let you down. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t need your stupid explanations and apologies again. I’ve had enough of it. I told you yesterday.”

“You’ve had nothing.”

“What are you talking about? You want me to tell you what you have done that proves I’ve had enough.”

“No, I want you to listen to me before you say you’ve had enough. Let me tell you something I have never told you before.”

“I’m listening.”

“My parents used to fight a lot. They still do. The only reason they have not divorced yet, is because of me and my sister. I have been going through this since childhood. Those loud noises, cursing each other, smashing things, enraged faces, and making mountains out of molehill. It was like hell. Their fights were like a tornado meeting a volcano. I just wanted to bury myself deep in the ground. I tried to ignore, but I can’t. They were my parents. My sister was an outgoing person. She used to go out with friends to escape from this and I used to immerse myself in books. Those books were unable to take me away from reality. So, I used to keep everything inside. And it erupts in different ways. Then, I get mood swings, I behave weirdly, and I say things I shouldn’t say. All these suppressed emotions, feelings, and rage are calling me constantly to get them out. And, I get mad over silly things. It doesn’t stop here. My sister is married, you know that. She is gone with her husband. So, my mother finds me to complain about my father. She complains how life is unfair and how my father made her life hell. I again feel weird. How am I supposed to react to it? She is in depression for years. She is on medication for years. I can’t go out. Because, when I try to, she stops me. She gets emotional. She tells me how she will be alone if I go out. If I stay, she starts disdaining father. And, I have to listen to it. Do you have any idea what I have to go through, what I have been going through?”

She was telling her story staring blankly at the ground with teary eyes. They exchanged gazes as she stopped for two seconds.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” said Anshu.

“Because I forget everything when I am with you. I don’t have to find an escape from reality, because I enjoy the present moment. You are a funny guy. I forget all the problems, laugh on your silly jokes, and feel good. And you have been so great to understand me every time I do all those stupid things. I know I was wrong yesterday and I will apologize to your friends.”

“Okay, I can never imagine what you go through. I understand you; but my friends won’t, because they don’t know this. And I don’t want them to know all this. So, you have to come to my room tomorrow and apologize to my friends.”

She agreed. He asked her to say no more. He wanted to enjoy the solitude and a gentle breeze under the tree in the hot afternoon. He swallowed the thought of break-up. This time, again, he was the one to understand her to keep relationship going. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to. That explanation wasn’t stupid. It was bitterly true and beautiful at the same time. His entire attitude toward her had changed. Now, he had more reasons to understand her weird behavior, mood swings, getting angry over silly things, and lot more. Her eyes filled with innocence, her ability to persevere, and her fortitude made him spellbound. He fell in love with her again. This time, more deeply.

The roles are never reversed in a relationship. Even if it reverses, it’s momentary. The crazy fact is, role reversal takes place only to make a relationship stronger.

 

 


 

(Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

I Hate To Be A Nice Guy

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A nice guy, who is always agreeable
Not because he doesn’t have an opinion
But because he respects opinion of others
And they think he agrees with what they say,
Do whatever they do, follow what they follow,
But when he expresses his opinion, counters their opinions,
They think he’s being irrational, eccentric,
He’s being weird, strange; no one wants his different opinion
They all get mad at him, inside their mind, they are saying
Something is wrong with him; we didn’t expect it from him,
Well, he is a nice guy, why is he behaving so strange?
He is not allowed to be himself or take a stand,
Those eyes saying you are not anymore the guy you used to be
And I hate to be that nice guy in the first place.

A nice guy, who doesn’t say anything
When others are talking about someone,
Behind their backs, discussing their shortcomings,
He wants to stay away from negativity,
So he stays silent, and that silence is misinterpreted
As he thinks the same way we think about them
Someone sells everyone out and informs the guy,
What they were talking about him and his demeanor
With anger taking hold of his mind, he rushes to confront,
But finds someone easier to do blame, of course, that nice guy,
Spit out everything on him to empty his mind,
But the nice guy doesn’t say a word,
He understands this is not the right time to solve the misunderstanding
But he has to hear those hurtful words,
I didn’t expect it from you; you are a nice guy, not like those guys
And I hate to be that nice guy in the first place.

A nice guy, who always obeys his parents,
Do not misbehave, good in studies, no complaints from teachers,
Always following the system, not doing anything naughty,
Or something that his parents wouldn’t allow,
One day, he finds something he loves,
Something that he is so passionate about,
Something that takes his sleep away,
He wants to follow his dream, do what he loves to do,
But his parents do not allow it on terms of not being realistic,
Even after persistent requests, they are not ready to understand him
He is forced to do what they think is right,
Because he never did something against their wish,
This time will not be an exception,
Because he is always been a nice guy, and never rebelled,
And I hate to that nice guy in the first place.

A nice guy, who admires that beautiful girl
Treats her with respect and generosity,
Listens to her small things, even though it doesn’t matter to him,
She shares everything with him; he helps her in every way possible,
Never try to show-off or pretends to be a flirt,
But in the process, falls in love with her spontaneity, her smartness,
When expresses his feelings to her,
All he gets is, I don’t look at you that way,
And an assurance from her that
Someday, he will get a very nice girl
Gets friendzoned or brozoned,
In a meantime, showing her boyfriend’s picture,
Asks how’s my handsome hunk? Isn’t he cute?
Yes, he is, is my diplomatic response
Until I notice his cool sports bike & Armani shoes,
He has to make those genuine feelings disappear,
And I hate to be that nice guy in the first place.

A nice guy, who knows what’s going on in
His friends’ mind, life & can spot a little change in behavior
Who listens to their feelings and stay calm when they are angry
They take out their frustration on him,
Speak their heart out, he listens intently,
Assists in solving their problems, clean their mess
But when he is angry and emotional, they ask him to keep quiet
Or make fun of his display of emotions,
He is not allowed to take his frustration, his anger out,
They take his feelings for granted, do not respect those,
No one is ready to give an ear to listen what he has to say
Not interested to understand what’s going on in his mind,
He’s taken for granted for always being sweet and smiling,
And I hate to be that nice guy in the first place.

A nice guy, who becomes lonely inside,
Wishes to become The Joker from The Dark Knight,
Plans to form a network of all other nice guys,
To wear an actual mask to unmask every truth,
To clear every misunderstanding in a hostile way,
By choosing the path of destruction,
The world doesn’t get them when they are being nice
Maybe the other way will do it,
Though he has a dark side, but can’t choose the path of destruction,
And the crazy fact, this time, it’s not people,
But him, who doesn’t expect ‘that’ from him,
And again, I hate to be that nice guy in the first place.


 

(Image courtesy of artur84 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

Understanding – The Two Way Street

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“I know what Squash means to you. If you play good, you are happy and in good mood. But if things do not work out as planned in court, you are frustrated. And after the match, you are agitated. You can take the frustration out on me. You won’t get an answer in return,” said Ricky to Mathew.

“You got me. That’s true. Thanks for understanding me,” replied Mathew.

*          *         *

Ricky and other three friends were giggling at usual hangout place. One of them cracked a ridiculous joke and everyone burst out laughing. Everybody responded the way friends who are on same wavelength respond to any ridiculous joke. As a friendly gesture to this joke, Ricky, who is well known for his indecent and stupid activities, opened arms and stepped back laughing showing his uncontrollable riotous laugh. The moment he stepped back, his back feet fell on Mathew’s leg, whom he didn’t see coming from his backside. Mathew stroked his head with his hand, in response to his inability to see him coming.

“Why did you get your hands on me?” retorted Ricky.

“You got your feet on mine. And you are laughing indecently like this, are you mad or what?” clarified Mathew.

“I am mad or not is not the question here. I didn’t know you were coming from backside. How am I supposed to see what is happening on my back side? You knew I am getting back, why didn’t you get away from me?”

“You keep your absurd reactions to yourself. Those reactions are hurting people.”

“But it was unintentional. I couldn’t see you coming. I was ready to understand you when it comes to squash. And if you are not ready to understand these honest mistakes, I don’t care how you feel after Squash match. You don’t get to take your frustration on me from now.”

The crazy fact is, understanding is the two way street. If we are giving it to someone, there is nothing wrong in expecting back the same.


Curve Road – Image courtesy of nuttakit at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Handshake – Image courtesy of graur razvan ionut at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I Don’t Want My Children To..

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I don’t want my children to become someone they are not

I don’t want my children to live life full of compromises

I don’t want my children to believe in something they don’t believe in

I don’t want my children to keep things from me because they think weirdness is unacceptable

I don’t want my children to study hard for exams and waste precious time of their lives

I don’t want my children to be slaves of system that would take them nowhere in life

I don’t want my children to do something just to show me that they are good guys

I don’t want my children to play safe because of fear of failure

I don’t want my children to avoid their honest feelings

I don’t want my children to have aimless life

I don’t want my children to be judgmental and strive for perfection

I don’t want my children to marry someone they don’t love

I don’t want my children to feel pity for my hard work and long hours in office

I don’t want my children to give on their dreams because times are hard

I don’t want my children to keep their innovative ideas inside due to fear of being ridiculed

I don’t want my children to feel awkward to share their crush

I don’t want my children to form opinions according what others say

I don’t want my children to seek approval for their actions from their parents

I don’t want my children to help us and not follow their own path

I don’t want my children to blame others for their misfortunes

I don’t want my children to focus too much on weaknesses that don’t count

I don’t want my children to feel terrible about doing the job others don’t approve to be worthy

I don’t want my children to feel unfortunate to start over

I don’t want my children to be what we think they should be

And the most importantly, the crazy fact,
I don’t want my children to think of his parents as ‘losers’


(Image courtesy of arztsamui at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

I Can’t, I Just Can’t Pretend To…

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I can’t, I just can’t pretend to be happy for others’ success, triumphs, achievements
While I haven’t achieved anything yet that I can be happy for

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to feel happy for a couple in a relationship
Enjoying each others’ company, while I can’t express my feeling to a girl I like

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to feel good for a guy who got tattoo on his arm
And I still see nothing on my hand, not even a scar

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to feel happy for that guy who passed the interview
And got the job, while I never wanted that job and failed

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to feel happy for anybody living their dreams
Whereas I don’t have courage to follow mine and blame others for it

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to see those pictures of vacations a friend posted
Whereas I want to sit in home on holidays and only think about that hill station

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to feel satisfied for those who follow the crowd and be happy
Whereas I’m neither following the crowd nor swimming against the current

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to smile when that irritating guy cracks a silly joke
Everybody laughs, while I don’t have a good sense of humor either

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to like that girl who is beautiful and witty and
Expects every guy to follow her, whereas I am attracted to her too

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to be everything fine when it’s not
Whereas when a relative asks how it’s going, I say fine

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to be excited when I see friends driving car
Whereas I didn’t learn to drive when I had opportunity to

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to be fine when anybody makes and honest mistake
Whereas I expect them to understand me when I make mistakes

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to act with formalities and follow etiquette
Whereas I greet in the morning and evening to look a good guy

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to enjoy when I’m hanging out friends
Whereas I envy those who laugh together while hanging out and I’m alone

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to appreciate those who work for material gains
Whereas I work for appreciation and instant gratification

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to believe in my closed ones
Whereas I expect them to believe in me and seek their support

I can’t, I just can’t pretend to be happy when I’m not
Whereas the crazy fact is, I can’t do anything that will make me happy


(Image courtesy of Danilo Rizzuti at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

The First Times

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The first times are always special.
The time when we made an eye contact.
The first time we fell in love.
The first time when we met.
The first time we fought on silly reason.
The first time we apologized to each other.
The first time we laughed together on silly jokes.
The first time we walked on beach silently.
The first time we hugged.
The time when we looked into each others’ eyes.
The first time we realized we are made for each other.
The first time…
The most crazy of all..


(Image courtesy of usamedeniz at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

I wasn’t Prepared

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“I’ll go to play football if class is cancelled,” said Manish to Mayuresh.

“Why don’t you play in the evening?” asked Mayuresh.

“My parents do not permit me thinking that I’ll get distracted.”

“And what made you think that class won’t be there?”

“The teacher in the class is not disciplined. Sometimes he teaches, sometimes he doesn’t.”

“Don’t forget to carry the kit with you.”

“Yep. I want to play whenever I get a chance.”

In the class.

“Guys, sir is not present today,” said one of his classmates.

“Ohh, no!!” exclaimed Manish.

“What happened?” asked Meeta.

“I decided to go to play football if class is not there. But, I didn’t bring kit though I knew sir has been irregular about this class.”

“You forgot?”

“No. I deliberately didn’t bring it. I thought that sir will be present today.”

“What made you think that?”

“I assumed. But what happened to sir? Why is he not taking class today. He does this frequently.”

“But you knew that he does this frequently. You should’ve come prepared. You can’t blame him.”

The crazy fact is, not being prepared closes the door of opportunities and opens the door of regrets.


(Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)