Knowledge of Ages

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I thought,
Those times were distractions,
Taking me away from my goals.

I looked back,
They were great memories,
Taking me closer to myself.

I sighed,
Why didn’t I enjoy?
Those moments were precious.

I realized,
The time only teaches,
Lessons which are invaluable.

I grumbled,
I won’t get back that time,
To live wholeheartedly this time.

I wondered,
Is there anything that tells,
Where to focus on?

I questioned,
What did I get?
By overlooking those moments.

I discerned,
That’s how conscience develops,
By making mistakes.

I became,
More enlightened,
By accepting the truth.

The crazy fact,
I achieved,
Not my goals,
But knowledge of ages.


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Face Off With Truth – Part 3

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Continued From – Part 2


 

Days were passing by with a confused state of mind. Bhuvika was learning to avoid thinking about him and focus her energy on things that matter. One day, she saw Vikesh limping off. He met with an accident. He limped off with a sprained ankle. Bhuvika’s sensitive side made her to think about asking him how he was. She discussed this thought with Sheena. She advised her to try. Bhuvika asked sheena to go with her. She knew she couldn’t do this all alone. They saw him in the basement sitting alone and approached.

“How is your leg?” asked Bhuvika politely.

“It’s none of your business,” replied Vikesh rudely and looked away.

“I am trying to know how your condition is and you’re being rude.”

“So, what? I can be what I want to be. You don’t tell me what I should do.”
Bhuvika walked away, agitated by his response. Sheena asked her to wait, but she didn’t. The response was hurtful. It was him who misunderstood everything, never took an initiative to clear out misunderstanding, and treated her with disrespect. Again, it was difficult to understand. She only had a choice to run away from there and be alone. Sheena didn’t try to console her, but rebuked Vikesh.

“Why are you doing this to her? Don’t you have a decency to talk to someone who asks about your health? Is this how you treat people who care about you? How can you be rude to her? This is unacceptable,” rebuked Sheena.

“You know everything. You know how she treated me. You know she didn’t come to the restaurant on that day. She didn’t even reply whether she is coming or not. This is the way she treated me and you expect me to treat her with decency?” snapped Vikesh.

“After the word you used to describe your relationship on that phone call, you expect her to reply? She was going out with her husband that day to sort out their issues. She didn’t go out with him because she could not focus on anything after your conversation. Then, she tried to strike conversations with you many times. But, you can’t get over your ego. You didn’t have decency at that time and not even this time. At least try to know her side of story. Without knowing the whole picture, you are jumping on conclusions. This is not the right way to deal with misunderstandings. It seems you don’t care, she is the one who is concerned about solving the misunderstanding and you are concerned about feeding your ego. I can’t stand here for one more moment.”

Sheena left him and tried to console Bhuvika. But she asked for alone time.

She wanted to concentrate on her work, but she couldn’t. She wanted to improve relationship with her husband, but she couldn’t. All because of this unsolved misunderstanding and unresolved issues. She was not able to figure out why she was investing her mind to figure out what were her feelings about the man who didn’t care about her. He was living in a misunderstanding and she was living in a hope that he would leave his ego aside and talk.

He didn’t clarify that he no longer wanted to have any contact with Bhuvika. He stared her while having a walk in office spaces, tried to know what was happening in her life, and did everything to know what she was up to. For him, he was taking a revenge for accusations his mind imagined. She was also at fault as she was investing her mind in thinking about him, hoping for a clarification, and spoiled every other thing that didn’t concern him – her happiness, her peace of mind, and her life.

Bhuvika was not able to understand what kind of feelings she had for him as she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She second-guessed herself every time she was doing something. She was relating her thoughts to these confused thoughts about him. As a result, she was losing confidence in her work, and most importantly, in herself. She was trying everything to escape from these thoughts. Spreading happiness by helping others was her drug to cure from this devastation. But it didn’t work for long. As she saw someone getting happy because of her small acts of help and kindness, she got happy for a moment. As her mind calmed, those thoughts reemerged to remind her about what she was going through and she was pretending to be. She saw everyone getting happy, but at the end of the day, what about her happiness? Does anyone care about that? What about her life? Will it go on in a way it was going on? Nobody knew. Not even her!

Happiness wasn’t a state of mind. Because, the state of mind got disturbed when irrational things happened and all she could do was wait for things to change. Approaching him for clarifications and sorting out misunderstanding would have been a compromise of her self-respect after what he had done to her. The ball was in the court of Vikesh, but he kept it in his pocket. His hand was busy in feeding his ego.

The simple solution would have been a difficult conversation that clarifies everything. But, he was reluctant to dive into those feeling which would reveal the truth. He was afraid to face the truth and more afraid of the fact that he won’t be able to accept the truth. So, he kept everything hanging. He was living under his own perceptions and wasn’t ready to accept the truth. His actions were driven by ego as well as lack of will to understand and clarify. He was also suffering from lack of clarifications and unresolved issues. He was not happy too, but didn’t realize that he was also spoiling someone’s life. The unanswered questions and irrational behavior were spoiling everyone. It stuck everyone at the same place. Her mistake was to stick her mind to it, but she couldn’t help herself over the fact that he was behaving strange and didn’t want to confront. He made a choice to keep everything hanging and she got used to live with lack of clarity. She had no option. Her heart was getting broken again and again. She collected the broken pieces every time to make it ready to break again. The size of broken pieces changed, but breaking did not stop.

The crazy fact is, not confronting to the truth hangs you, but doesn’t kill you.


 

The End.

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Face Off With Truth – Part 2

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Continued from – Part 1


 

Gradually, things started falling in place. They started meeting after office hours, weekends, and having fun together. They were having a great time together. Sharing ambitions again, sharing dreams again, and sharing a bond of friendship. This time, even stronger.

Bhuvika’s relationship with her husband was bitter. They were friends, decided to marry, but it didn’t work out as they thought it would. Her husband’s lack of commitment was creating a drift between them. He wanted to live a life of bachelor even after marriage. He needed a lot of space, hang out with friends, and do things whenever he wanted. He barely gave her time she deserved. So, their relationship was getting worse. On the other side, she was having great time with Vikesh. They formed a group with Sheena and Vikesh’s friend Sagar. Four of them used to hang out together after office hours and weekends. All of them formed a strong bond and were having a great time together.

One day, Sheena, Vikesh, and Sagar were hanging out at a restaurant. . Bhuvika was unawre of it. Vikesh called Bhuvika to ask if she would come. She refused because she was going out with her husband. She was having problems with her husband and they were going out to sort out issues. She refused to go even after he insisted.

“Come on, come here! We will have fun,” said Vikesh on phone.

“No, I can’t. It’s too far,” replied Bhuvika. She never told him that she had issues with her husband.

“Everyone is here. Sheena, Sagar, and me. What if it’s too far? Take your time.”

“No, I can’t come.”

“Distance is only an excuse. If you love me, you will come,” said Vikesh and ended the call.

It came as a shock for Bhuvika. It was unexpected and she was perplexed. She thought that they had a bond of friendship. A bond which is pure and unalloyed. She was devastated again. This strange behavior and phone calls were making her anxious. She could not go out with her husband that day. She needed to sort this issue first and take time to understand what happened. It was difficult to rationalize how he could see this relationship in a way he saw. It was beyond her understanding and she was disappointed as well. For a moment, she wanted to believe it was just a hallucination. She was a practical thinker and knew what happened. Her husband was disappointed as well. But, he thought that he had done this before with her, so she was just trying to act to show him how it feels to be taken for granted.

She started reminiscing all the moments they spent together. She knew it wasn’t love, but didn’t know what was it? She was furious and could not focus her thoughts on rationalizing what her feelings were for him. It was infatuation or attraction or just a way to escape from reality that her husband took her for granted. It was easier for her to believe that her husband was not giving her enough time. But, what Vikesh said after all these moments they spent together, was making her agitated.

She locked herself in the room. This was not what she did when she was depressed. She had a lot of friends and she always talked to one of them if she was angry or depressed. This time, it was different. Everything was beyond rationalization. She got confused about her feelings. The moment he used the word ‘love’ was the moment she went into ‘shock’ again. Did she give wrong signals? Or it was his perception? She just wanted to scream at that moment and nothing else. But she couldn’t as she needed to look good in front of everyone. So, she squeezed everything inside.

Vikesh and Bhuvika never had a conversation after this incident. Sheena knew everything, but refused to intervene this time. She let her handle everything. Bhuvika was a sensitive person. She shared her feeling with Sheena, but Sheena didn’t try to make Vikesh realize what he said on phone that day. Bhuvika lost trust in her. She was with them. Now, she was refusing to intervene. She stood by her on the first time when Vikesh acted weird. This time, she was refusing. Everything got worse day by day. Her relationship with husband was not improving, Vikesh said something unbelievable, and Sheena’s loyalty was in question. All she could do was, try to escape from her thoughts. So, she immersed herself in the work. She submersed herself into the computer screen and made sure she doesn’t get into the company of her thoughts. She was broken, tried to spread smile, and tried to help everyone in the office. She was pretending that she was happy when she saw others being happy. She hid everything behind her makeup. Nothing was going right. She couldn’t sleep well. She barely slept for two to three hours every day. Not a single thing made her happy. Everything started falling apart.

She even tried to talk to Vikesh, but he refused to talk every time. Her mind was eating her up. It was difficult for her to live with this state of mind in which lack of clarity was driving her life. She was stuck. She stayed at her mother’s place. Clarity gives power, but lack of clarity breaks a person down. No matter how strong that person is, if the mind is unclear about anything, it affects every aspect of life. She wasn’t able to focus on one thing at a time, couldn’t enjoy her work, and lost the peace of mind. All she did was to hope that the time runs faster and one day, her mind will get clear.

The crazy fact is, an unclear mind makes sure that every aspect of life gets ruined.

 


 

Click Here for – Part 3

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Face Off With Truth – Part 1

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“This is Vikesh. He is the vice president of the company,” Sheena introduced Vikesh to Bhuvika.

Sheena was marketing executive of a start-up firm, Oberoi and Partners, and Bhuvika’s good friend. Bhuvika recently completed two months in the firm as a junior marketing executive. Vikesh had a dynamic personality, cunning, and a sense of humor. His fierce red eyes and full grown beard made an impression of a mafia, but he was totally opposite of it. He was caring, compassionate, and easygoing. The firm had 50 employees.

“Nice to meet you, sir!” Bhuvika replied, shaking hands.

“How’s your work?” asked Vikesh.

“Good. Trying to settle down,” said Bhuvika with little nervousness.

Bhuvika was a married woman, hard-working, dedicated, and ambitious. He aspired to have his own startup firm. One thing for which everyone admired Bhuvika was the level of efforts she put into work. She gave her heart and blood at every place she worked. Everyone could see a future entrepreneur in her. She also caught the eye of CEO of the firm.

Bhuvika was afraid to meet Vikesh for obvious reasons. His eyes and his attire. As they starting interacting more and more, her opinion about him changed. She started to believe that first impression is not the last impression. They had some common things. Both of them were aspiring entrepreneurs, ambitious, dedicated to work, and gave every ounce of blood to the company they worked for. Day by day, they started interacting more. They shared dreams, aspirations, and having nearly similar visions for future. It was enough to make a strong bond. Their friendship grew. The distance between the positions in the company didn’t matter. They had same set of visions for future.

They started meetings after the office hours, interacted more, and liked each others’ company. Their closeness was a topic of gossip in the office. They had a strong bond, a bond shared between two dreamers. Everything was going good, both of them were happy, enjoyed their work and conversations full of ideas & dreams until that day.

“I heard people gossiping about us. They think we are having an affair. If this is what people think about me, I can’t take it. What about my reputation? I am at a senior position of the firm,” said Vikesh to Bhuvika on the phone.

Bhuvika was shocked. Out of the blue, he called her and said this. She was spellbound, didn’t know what to say, and somehow she uttered, “Why should we care about what they are thinking? We know we are good friends and ambitious people.”

“I care. I have a reputation to maintain.”

“So do I. But I don’t care about these gossips. Let them talk. Why do we have to worry about it? Who were gossiping about us? I will confront them and clear everything out.”

“No, you don’t understand. Think about it from my position. A vice president of the firm is having an affair with a marketing executive. This is what they are talking about.”

“Let them talk. And we will sort this out tomorrow. Not on the phone.”

Bhuvika was perplexed to hear that. She could not believe what just happened. Vikesh called her and complained about those talkers who didn’t know what was going on. She was also shocked to know that a vice president cares about these meaningless things. How will he survive as an entrepreneur? There will be misunderstandings and he has to go through hell at time during the journey. She couldn’t believe that it mattered to him people saying a vice president of the firm is having an affair with a marketing executive. She admired him for his aspirations and dreams. A dreamer goes through critics & naysayers, but keeps on moving without caring what others think about him. But, it was strange. It was pointless to ruin a strong bond based on what people are saying. His strange behavior was beyond her understanding. She became restless, so she shared everything with Sheena. Sheena gave her strength and asked her to keep calm. She was relieved to talk to her.

***

The next day.

“What was that? Just because some people are gossiping about you two, you became tense and cry about it,” confronted sheena to Vikesh. The hierarchy of the office didn’t matter. Bhuvika was quiet and Vikesh looked unapologetic.

“I thought you would understand, but you don’t,” replied Vikesh.

“There is nothing to understand. You are behaving weird. And if you have a problem with people gossiping about you, let’s go and confront those people. Let’s go now,” said Sheena with determination.

“I don’t care about what people are saying. We know that there nothing between us, but a bond of friendship and our aspirations about future. Maybe those people have nothing to look forward to, so they gossip. It should not matter to us,” said Bhuvika.

“What are you saying about reputation? Doesn’t she have a reputation to maintain? Only you have a reputation. She is also respected for her work and dedication. You know that, even CEO knows that. Why are you behaving so childish?” slammed Sheena.

Vikesh was silent, staring in a blank space.

“Say something or let’s go and confront those people who were gossiping. Let’s go,” continued Sheena.

Bhuvika was ready to confront, but Vikesh wasn’t. He thought that confrontation would spoil his image more. So, he tried to avoid it by lying about it.

“No, let’s forget about it. Let them talk. I understand. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have behaved like that. I lost my cool knowing that people were misunderstanding me for nothing. We have a bond and they are spoiling it. I get it. I shouldn’t give any attention to it,” said Vikesh.

“There you go,” said Sheena. A smile blossomed on the face of Bhuvika.

“That’s what I was trying to say from yesterday,” said Bhuvika, relieved.

“Ohkk, let’s finish this topic right now. No one will talk about it again. No explanations need to be given,” clarified Sheena.

The crazy fact is, avoiding confrontation is an easy way out, but it doesn’t promise it won’t haunt again in the long run.


 

Click Here for – Part 2

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The Destiny Does Not Spoon-Feed

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The elevator was taking too long to reach basement. I decided to take steps to reach my office on fourth floor. Climbing up two steps in a leap, I was thinking about where to start today’s work from. And I saw her as I reached the first floor. The thoughts about work disappeared as soon as thoughts about her beauty, her simplicity, and her genuine gaze awakened.

I saw her for the first time during interview rounds for the company I currently work for. At that time, I thought she was an employee. Her beauty diminished my nervousness though I was about to face CEO of the company in final interview round. I was determined to pass interview because I wanted to meet her. I passed the interview. But, I came to know that she applied for the same position. I got the job and she didn’t. Damn! I am not a sacrifice kind of guy who would have sacrificed a job for her. Nonetheless, I felt bad for her at that time.

I totally forgot about her till the time I noticed her on the floor while attending a call. It was a wrong number. I was gazing her by holding a phone on ear even after call ended. Suddenly I realized she was the one I saw during the interview round with CEO.
‘Yes, she was the one’, I affirmed myself.

I noticed a company’s name on belt of her I-card. The company was on same floor. I was delighted. Suddenly, my heart blossomed with an unexpected turn my life was taking.

‘Is she the one?’

The most stupid question I could ask myself. Being single for 23 years is not easy. The mind jumps to some crazy, strange conclusions without thinking much. Because, every time I see a couple laughing together, my heart aches. I imagine that one day I will be sharing the same moment. And this happens! I was happy that she got a job, but I was continuously pondering on something strange and irrational.

The fate. The destiny.

‘Are we meant to be together?’

‘This doesn’t mean anything!’

‘Or she is the one?’

‘Stop it! You are overthinking.’

‘Or is this an indication?’

On my way back to cubicle, every moment I told myself to be rational and consider it as a coincidence. But, I was rationalizing irrational thoughts, finding logic in illogical incidents, and finding sense in nonsense.

This day was the third time I saw her. I take elevator every day, but today was different. Is it the game of destiny to make us cross each other’s path? The first time I saw her, I thought she was an employee. Unknowingly, I was motivated to pass interview to see her more, to know her, and try to get close to her. A misinterpretation. The second time was about attending a wrong number. No sensible reason to cross paths. And third time was, changing my mind to take stairs. A different path from daily routine.

The events were suggesting that the destiny is making efforts to meet us. I couldn’t overlook these indications. Everything happens for a reason. I know it’s crazy, but my intuitions were making these calls. I may not be anyone for her. But, I know something was going on that was meant to be a huge part of my life, my journey. But it’s possible only if I make efforts to make it possible. The efforts have to supplement the call of destiny. The crazy fact is, the destiny doesn’t spoon-feed.

I was waiting on the floor on next day with a chocolate in my hand. I was prepared to interact with her. I knew she would come out of her office for no matter what reason at the time I would wait for her on floor. And I was right. She came out texting on her phone. She advanced towards the entrance of floor where I was waiting. I was about to say hello and I heard a familiar shout.

“Hey, wake up! Or I will miss the bus. Get up! You have to drop me. It’s already late,” my brother was screaming. I rubbed my eyes gently and realized this was a dream.

“I’m not coming,” I said in an exasperated voice, pulling blanket over my head.

“Ohkk, then I’ll take your bike and you go to office by bus,” he replied.

I had to wake up from that sweet dream.


 

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Time To Open Up

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“This guy is so quiet all the time,” said Jenny to Eva in class.

“I think he takes time to open up,” replied Eva.

“Please welcome the new student of our class, the founder of trailblazers.com, Jim Reigns,” announced teacher.

“Wow! He is the one behind getting all the young trailblazers into the light through his website,” exclaimed Jenny in shock and excitement.

The crazy fact is, the packets which take time to open up are those with the biggest blasts.


This Post is also a part of  Five Sentence Fiction – Open

What Is Relationship?

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What is relationship?

Ans: I respect and accept your individuality, your differentiability. I understand you. You do the same and our relationship grows.

What is relationship?

The crazy fact: You fulfill my expectations, I’ll fulfill yours. But, if my individuality is at stake, you don’t understand me. I wonder why out relationship is not growing.

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Also Visit : Relationships

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Increasing The Comfort Zone

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“If tyre of your bike was punctured, why didn’t you ask your colleague to give you a lift to bus stop?” asked father to his son who recently joined a new company.

“But, I am new there,” replied son.

“So, what’s problem in asking for help? You walked 2 kilometers.”

“It was awkward to ask. We are all new there. We haven’t interacted much. I barely know anyone. It felt uncomfortable.”

“Son, the crazy fact is, you need to get uncomfortable to increase the comfort zone.”


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The Only Certain Thing

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“Nothing is going according to plan,” said disciple to his guru.

“You are on right track. Improvise,” replied Guru.

“But, I’ve got into things that don’t serve my purpose.”

“That’s the way it goes in the beginning.”

“If the beginning is like this, I’m afraid what will happen throughout the journey?”

“Remember, the crazy fact is, uncertainty is the only certain thing.”


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What’s Inside Wasn’t Alive When It Was Light

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“I don’t know what’s going on in my life,” said a frustrated boy to monk.

“What is the matter?” asked monk.

“I think I’ve lost control over my life. I can’t do what I want to do, can’t express myself, I think I’m wasting my time, over-thinking about small things, just passing the days, not doing something that would add value to my life as well as others’ lives. I’m being someone else to show others that I’m happy, but I’m not.”

“How did you get to this point?”

“I don’t know.”

“Tell me, how do you spend your day?”

“I wake up at 7. Go to gym because my father wants me to. Till 8, I exercise. Then, get ready for a class at 9, which my parents wanted me to join. Till 12, I spend the time in class somehow. Till 1, I’m home. Till 4, I have lunch, play games on computer, and do some reading. From 4 to 6, I sleep. From 6 to 8, I spend time on computer again. At 8 to 10, I read or study. At 10, I have dinner and then watch TV and go to sleep.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

“From past 2 months, since I finished college. I wanted to do something else. But my parents, my friends are not convinced that would work, so I am not doing it. Or sometimes, I do that. But, I can’t do that wholeheartedly.”

“Why don’t you do that? There will always be some people who don’t agree with you. It does not mean you should give in.”

“But..”

“First of all, you must accept full responsibility for what’s happening to you. You are responsible.”

“Yes, you are right. I know that. But..”

“What did you do when you were in college? Why didn’t you work on it, so till this time, you would have had something in hand as an output to back up your intentions. You give in to comforts and fun. And it has become your habit. You don’t want to do what’s difficult. You find an easy way out. You got to do what necessary and difficult. Otherwise things won’t change. It will get darker and darker for you.”

“But it’s uncomfortable.”

“Do it anyway. When it gets dark, everything ceases and the only thing that remains alive is: what’s inside. But the crazy fact is, it gets dark, because what’s inside wasn’t alive when it was light.”

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