As I Realized The Truth Doesn’t Have Shades

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As I woke up,
I noticed it was light outside,
Oh, no..!! I missed it.
I checked out time,
It was 6 in the morning.
Last time I saw,
It was 4:55 am and dark outside.

As my friends wanted this trip to beach,
For drinking and smoking,
And losing themselves.
For me, it was about,
Sitting at the shore alone,
And watching the transition,
From darkness to light.

As I decided not to sleep,
I couldn’t settle and gazed about those shades,
And everyone settled after showing,
New shades of their personalities
And reflecting on their lives.
I lay down for a moment,
And my eyes gave up.

As I missed that opportunity,
I thought I should see what’s left.
I noticed sun hasn’t risen yet,
So I can watch the palette of colors,
As sun rises on the horizon,
And water reflects those colors,
And I can reflect on my life.

As I rushed to the shore instantly,
I entered and stopped for a while,
Then, I realized eyes have limits.
They can see up to the horizon only,
So we have got imagination,
To see beyond horizon
And create an unimaginable world.

As I walked barefoot on white sand,
I could see a trail of footsteps,
Telling me, that’s what happens,
Wherever you go, whatever you do,
The trail will be left, though it’s unseen to you,
The footprints will remain in people’s minds,
About how you made them feel about themselves.

As I glanced at the sea,
The blustery winds blew my hair,
The turbulent and massive sea,
Was calling me out and mess with it,
And I thought of diving in the middle of it,
And what will happen to me,
The thought sent shivers down my spine.

As I saw the roaring waves coming and going,
What does that tell you?
The life is a turbulent sea,
These ebb tides and flood tides,
Are happiness and sadness.
They will come and go,
So stay strong, this, too, shall pass.

As I see no signs of sun,
It’s all white and black.
Then why am I here? I should go.
But it started drizzling instantly,
And I closed my eyes and felt every drop.
The sun was telling, by hiding behind clouds,
Forget everything and feel the moment.

As I heard a chirping sound,
I saw birds were hovering over,
Humming a tune in unison,
How beautiful it was!
Even though you don’t get what you want,
They were saying, there is always,
Something more beautiful awaiting you.

As I thought of going back to room,
Do I have anything more to see,
Anything new to experience?
And I realized what about reflecting,
Back on life and finding the truths,
And accepting them,
No matter how much I refuse to.

As I started contemplating,
I could see everything,
In white and black,
No complications, no manipulation,
A white truth about black reality,
It hits like a bullet,
Fired from a point black range.

As the crazy fact is,
The sun was making sure,
The shades he reflects on clouds,
Those black and white colors,
Helped me to get my mind straight,
Because the truth doesn’t have shades,
Only manipulation inserts shades in it.

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What Else You Need

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His hands were shivering, voice was shaking, held tears to show he was strong, and murmured softly that he was thankful for everything. For the last time, he made an attempt to hide his emotional side by saying he had nothing to say anymore. All of his friends who made sure he stayed happy for a whole day, were eagerly waiting to listen to his feelings as they finished expressing what they felt for him.

Everyone knew how hard he needed to work to support his family. His father passed away when he was only 10. The responsibility of his mother and two younger sisters was on his shoulders. He had been through a lot. So, they made sure he doesn’t hide his emotions as he usually does.

He had no choice than to open his heart out. As he opened his heart, his eyes opened the way for tears. He glanced everyone with his wept eyes. He could only see love flowing out of eyes of every friend. Although he was 24 now, how could he find words when his friends made him feel so special, showered so much of love that he didn’t even know whether he was worthy of it. The day was unexpected and overwhelming for him.

He was so touched after listening what everyone felt about him. Eventually, he found some words and talked about his struggles and their support on every step. Wiping away his tears, taking deep breaths, and looking tenderly at everyone, he concluded in only one line, “What else you need on your birthday!” And the crazy fact, he smiled and everyone else was in tears.

Do You Know How Hard It Is For Me?

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Do you know how hard it is for me?
To come up to you,
And start a conversation,
I tried it twice before,
And thought thousand times,
About how to make a first impression?

Do you know how hard it is for me?
Not to blush in front of you,
When you say hello,
With your beautiful smile,
And that swag,
So, I wouldn’t make you uncomfortable.

Do you know how hard it is for me?
To digest the fact,
And realize that,
You are special for me,
But for you,
I am just another guy.

Do you know how hard it is for me?
Not to smile quietly,
When I am alone,
Reminiscing your grace,
That I used to observe furtively,
So, others won’t think I’m mad.

And the crazy fact,
Do you know how hard it is for me?
To focus on what matters,
At the present moment,
Rather than roam endearingly,
In a fairytale,
Because I don’t even know whether it has a further chapter.


 

(Image courtesy of aechan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

Face Off With Truth – Part 3

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Continued From – Part 2


 

Days were passing by with a confused state of mind. Bhuvika was learning to avoid thinking about him and focus her energy on things that matter. One day, she saw Vikesh limping off. He met with an accident. He limped off with a sprained ankle. Bhuvika’s sensitive side made her to think about asking him how he was. She discussed this thought with Sheena. She advised her to try. Bhuvika asked sheena to go with her. She knew she couldn’t do this all alone. They saw him in the basement sitting alone and approached.

“How is your leg?” asked Bhuvika politely.

“It’s none of your business,” replied Vikesh rudely and looked away.

“I am trying to know how your condition is and you’re being rude.”

“So, what? I can be what I want to be. You don’t tell me what I should do.”
Bhuvika walked away, agitated by his response. Sheena asked her to wait, but she didn’t. The response was hurtful. It was him who misunderstood everything, never took an initiative to clear out misunderstanding, and treated her with disrespect. Again, it was difficult to understand. She only had a choice to run away from there and be alone. Sheena didn’t try to console her, but rebuked Vikesh.

“Why are you doing this to her? Don’t you have a decency to talk to someone who asks about your health? Is this how you treat people who care about you? How can you be rude to her? This is unacceptable,” rebuked Sheena.

“You know everything. You know how she treated me. You know she didn’t come to the restaurant on that day. She didn’t even reply whether she is coming or not. This is the way she treated me and you expect me to treat her with decency?” snapped Vikesh.

“After the word you used to describe your relationship on that phone call, you expect her to reply? She was going out with her husband that day to sort out their issues. She didn’t go out with him because she could not focus on anything after your conversation. Then, she tried to strike conversations with you many times. But, you can’t get over your ego. You didn’t have decency at that time and not even this time. At least try to know her side of story. Without knowing the whole picture, you are jumping on conclusions. This is not the right way to deal with misunderstandings. It seems you don’t care, she is the one who is concerned about solving the misunderstanding and you are concerned about feeding your ego. I can’t stand here for one more moment.”

Sheena left him and tried to console Bhuvika. But she asked for alone time.

She wanted to concentrate on her work, but she couldn’t. She wanted to improve relationship with her husband, but she couldn’t. All because of this unsolved misunderstanding and unresolved issues. She was not able to figure out why she was investing her mind to figure out what were her feelings about the man who didn’t care about her. He was living in a misunderstanding and she was living in a hope that he would leave his ego aside and talk.

He didn’t clarify that he no longer wanted to have any contact with Bhuvika. He stared her while having a walk in office spaces, tried to know what was happening in her life, and did everything to know what she was up to. For him, he was taking a revenge for accusations his mind imagined. She was also at fault as she was investing her mind in thinking about him, hoping for a clarification, and spoiled every other thing that didn’t concern him – her happiness, her peace of mind, and her life.

Bhuvika was not able to understand what kind of feelings she had for him as she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She second-guessed herself every time she was doing something. She was relating her thoughts to these confused thoughts about him. As a result, she was losing confidence in her work, and most importantly, in herself. She was trying everything to escape from these thoughts. Spreading happiness by helping others was her drug to cure from this devastation. But it didn’t work for long. As she saw someone getting happy because of her small acts of help and kindness, she got happy for a moment. As her mind calmed, those thoughts reemerged to remind her about what she was going through and she was pretending to be. She saw everyone getting happy, but at the end of the day, what about her happiness? Does anyone care about that? What about her life? Will it go on in a way it was going on? Nobody knew. Not even her!

Happiness wasn’t a state of mind. Because, the state of mind got disturbed when irrational things happened and all she could do was wait for things to change. Approaching him for clarifications and sorting out misunderstanding would have been a compromise of her self-respect after what he had done to her. The ball was in the court of Vikesh, but he kept it in his pocket. His hand was busy in feeding his ego.

The simple solution would have been a difficult conversation that clarifies everything. But, he was reluctant to dive into those feeling which would reveal the truth. He was afraid to face the truth and more afraid of the fact that he won’t be able to accept the truth. So, he kept everything hanging. He was living under his own perceptions and wasn’t ready to accept the truth. His actions were driven by ego as well as lack of will to understand and clarify. He was also suffering from lack of clarifications and unresolved issues. He was not happy too, but didn’t realize that he was also spoiling someone’s life. The unanswered questions and irrational behavior were spoiling everyone. It stuck everyone at the same place. Her mistake was to stick her mind to it, but she couldn’t help herself over the fact that he was behaving strange and didn’t want to confront. He made a choice to keep everything hanging and she got used to live with lack of clarity. She had no option. Her heart was getting broken again and again. She collected the broken pieces every time to make it ready to break again. The size of broken pieces changed, but breaking did not stop.

The crazy fact is, not confronting to the truth hangs you, but doesn’t kill you.


 

The End.

(Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

 

Face Off With Truth – Part 2

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Continued from – Part 1


 

Gradually, things started falling in place. They started meeting after office hours, weekends, and having fun together. They were having a great time together. Sharing ambitions again, sharing dreams again, and sharing a bond of friendship. This time, even stronger.

Bhuvika’s relationship with her husband was bitter. They were friends, decided to marry, but it didn’t work out as they thought it would. Her husband’s lack of commitment was creating a drift between them. He wanted to live a life of bachelor even after marriage. He needed a lot of space, hang out with friends, and do things whenever he wanted. He barely gave her time she deserved. So, their relationship was getting worse. On the other side, she was having great time with Vikesh. They formed a group with Sheena and Vikesh’s friend Sagar. Four of them used to hang out together after office hours and weekends. All of them formed a strong bond and were having a great time together.

One day, Sheena, Vikesh, and Sagar were hanging out at a restaurant. . Bhuvika was unawre of it. Vikesh called Bhuvika to ask if she would come. She refused because she was going out with her husband. She was having problems with her husband and they were going out to sort out issues. She refused to go even after he insisted.

“Come on, come here! We will have fun,” said Vikesh on phone.

“No, I can’t. It’s too far,” replied Bhuvika. She never told him that she had issues with her husband.

“Everyone is here. Sheena, Sagar, and me. What if it’s too far? Take your time.”

“No, I can’t come.”

“Distance is only an excuse. If you love me, you will come,” said Vikesh and ended the call.

It came as a shock for Bhuvika. It was unexpected and she was perplexed. She thought that they had a bond of friendship. A bond which is pure and unalloyed. She was devastated again. This strange behavior and phone calls were making her anxious. She could not go out with her husband that day. She needed to sort this issue first and take time to understand what happened. It was difficult to rationalize how he could see this relationship in a way he saw. It was beyond her understanding and she was disappointed as well. For a moment, she wanted to believe it was just a hallucination. She was a practical thinker and knew what happened. Her husband was disappointed as well. But, he thought that he had done this before with her, so she was just trying to act to show him how it feels to be taken for granted.

She started reminiscing all the moments they spent together. She knew it wasn’t love, but didn’t know what was it? She was furious and could not focus her thoughts on rationalizing what her feelings were for him. It was infatuation or attraction or just a way to escape from reality that her husband took her for granted. It was easier for her to believe that her husband was not giving her enough time. But, what Vikesh said after all these moments they spent together, was making her agitated.

She locked herself in the room. This was not what she did when she was depressed. She had a lot of friends and she always talked to one of them if she was angry or depressed. This time, it was different. Everything was beyond rationalization. She got confused about her feelings. The moment he used the word ‘love’ was the moment she went into ‘shock’ again. Did she give wrong signals? Or it was his perception? She just wanted to scream at that moment and nothing else. But she couldn’t as she needed to look good in front of everyone. So, she squeezed everything inside.

Vikesh and Bhuvika never had a conversation after this incident. Sheena knew everything, but refused to intervene this time. She let her handle everything. Bhuvika was a sensitive person. She shared her feeling with Sheena, but Sheena didn’t try to make Vikesh realize what he said on phone that day. Bhuvika lost trust in her. She was with them. Now, she was refusing to intervene. She stood by her on the first time when Vikesh acted weird. This time, she was refusing. Everything got worse day by day. Her relationship with husband was not improving, Vikesh said something unbelievable, and Sheena’s loyalty was in question. All she could do was, try to escape from her thoughts. So, she immersed herself in the work. She submersed herself into the computer screen and made sure she doesn’t get into the company of her thoughts. She was broken, tried to spread smile, and tried to help everyone in the office. She was pretending that she was happy when she saw others being happy. She hid everything behind her makeup. Nothing was going right. She couldn’t sleep well. She barely slept for two to three hours every day. Not a single thing made her happy. Everything started falling apart.

She even tried to talk to Vikesh, but he refused to talk every time. Her mind was eating her up. It was difficult for her to live with this state of mind in which lack of clarity was driving her life. She was stuck. She stayed at her mother’s place. Clarity gives power, but lack of clarity breaks a person down. No matter how strong that person is, if the mind is unclear about anything, it affects every aspect of life. She wasn’t able to focus on one thing at a time, couldn’t enjoy her work, and lost the peace of mind. All she did was to hope that the time runs faster and one day, her mind will get clear.

The crazy fact is, an unclear mind makes sure that every aspect of life gets ruined.

 


 

Click Here for – Part 3

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Face Off With Truth – Part 1

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“This is Vikesh. He is the vice president of the company,” Sheena introduced Vikesh to Bhuvika.

Sheena was marketing executive of a start-up firm, Oberoi and Partners, and Bhuvika’s good friend. Bhuvika recently completed two months in the firm as a junior marketing executive. Vikesh had a dynamic personality, cunning, and a sense of humor. His fierce red eyes and full grown beard made an impression of a mafia, but he was totally opposite of it. He was caring, compassionate, and easygoing. The firm had 50 employees.

“Nice to meet you, sir!” Bhuvika replied, shaking hands.

“How’s your work?” asked Vikesh.

“Good. Trying to settle down,” said Bhuvika with little nervousness.

Bhuvika was a married woman, hard-working, dedicated, and ambitious. He aspired to have his own startup firm. One thing for which everyone admired Bhuvika was the level of efforts she put into work. She gave her heart and blood at every place she worked. Everyone could see a future entrepreneur in her. She also caught the eye of CEO of the firm.

Bhuvika was afraid to meet Vikesh for obvious reasons. His eyes and his attire. As they starting interacting more and more, her opinion about him changed. She started to believe that first impression is not the last impression. They had some common things. Both of them were aspiring entrepreneurs, ambitious, dedicated to work, and gave every ounce of blood to the company they worked for. Day by day, they started interacting more. They shared dreams, aspirations, and having nearly similar visions for future. It was enough to make a strong bond. Their friendship grew. The distance between the positions in the company didn’t matter. They had same set of visions for future.

They started meetings after the office hours, interacted more, and liked each others’ company. Their closeness was a topic of gossip in the office. They had a strong bond, a bond shared between two dreamers. Everything was going good, both of them were happy, enjoyed their work and conversations full of ideas & dreams until that day.

“I heard people gossiping about us. They think we are having an affair. If this is what people think about me, I can’t take it. What about my reputation? I am at a senior position of the firm,” said Vikesh to Bhuvika on the phone.

Bhuvika was shocked. Out of the blue, he called her and said this. She was spellbound, didn’t know what to say, and somehow she uttered, “Why should we care about what they are thinking? We know we are good friends and ambitious people.”

“I care. I have a reputation to maintain.”

“So do I. But I don’t care about these gossips. Let them talk. Why do we have to worry about it? Who were gossiping about us? I will confront them and clear everything out.”

“No, you don’t understand. Think about it from my position. A vice president of the firm is having an affair with a marketing executive. This is what they are talking about.”

“Let them talk. And we will sort this out tomorrow. Not on the phone.”

Bhuvika was perplexed to hear that. She could not believe what just happened. Vikesh called her and complained about those talkers who didn’t know what was going on. She was also shocked to know that a vice president cares about these meaningless things. How will he survive as an entrepreneur? There will be misunderstandings and he has to go through hell at time during the journey. She couldn’t believe that it mattered to him people saying a vice president of the firm is having an affair with a marketing executive. She admired him for his aspirations and dreams. A dreamer goes through critics & naysayers, but keeps on moving without caring what others think about him. But, it was strange. It was pointless to ruin a strong bond based on what people are saying. His strange behavior was beyond her understanding. She became restless, so she shared everything with Sheena. Sheena gave her strength and asked her to keep calm. She was relieved to talk to her.

***

The next day.

“What was that? Just because some people are gossiping about you two, you became tense and cry about it,” confronted sheena to Vikesh. The hierarchy of the office didn’t matter. Bhuvika was quiet and Vikesh looked unapologetic.

“I thought you would understand, but you don’t,” replied Vikesh.

“There is nothing to understand. You are behaving weird. And if you have a problem with people gossiping about you, let’s go and confront those people. Let’s go now,” said Sheena with determination.

“I don’t care about what people are saying. We know that there nothing between us, but a bond of friendship and our aspirations about future. Maybe those people have nothing to look forward to, so they gossip. It should not matter to us,” said Bhuvika.

“What are you saying about reputation? Doesn’t she have a reputation to maintain? Only you have a reputation. She is also respected for her work and dedication. You know that, even CEO knows that. Why are you behaving so childish?” slammed Sheena.

Vikesh was silent, staring in a blank space.

“Say something or let’s go and confront those people who were gossiping. Let’s go,” continued Sheena.

Bhuvika was ready to confront, but Vikesh wasn’t. He thought that confrontation would spoil his image more. So, he tried to avoid it by lying about it.

“No, let’s forget about it. Let them talk. I understand. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have behaved like that. I lost my cool knowing that people were misunderstanding me for nothing. We have a bond and they are spoiling it. I get it. I shouldn’t give any attention to it,” said Vikesh.

“There you go,” said Sheena. A smile blossomed on the face of Bhuvika.

“That’s what I was trying to say from yesterday,” said Bhuvika, relieved.

“Ohkk, let’s finish this topic right now. No one will talk about it again. No explanations need to be given,” clarified Sheena.

The crazy fact is, avoiding confrontation is an easy way out, but it doesn’t promise it won’t haunt again in the long run.


 

Click Here for – Part 2

(Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

Role Reversal

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“Why did you behave like that? You insulted my friends for no reason. They were joking. And you are asking me what happened?” slammed Anshuman to his girlfriend Kavya on phone. She came to his room in the afternoon to meet him as usual. His roommates started teasing them. It was a witty banter by friends when girlfriend of a guy shows up. He was taking it sportingly, but she lost her temper. She retorted back and things got out of hands. Her behavior was unacceptable to Anshu as well. He asked her to leave to cool down the situation. He called her after half an hour of her departure. In a meantime, he was trying to calm down his friends.

Anshuman was a 20 years old smart, funny, extrovert guy with a good sense of humor. The humor was his asset for which Kavya fell in love with him. Today, his other side was more dominating this conversation. He was probably a cool minded guy, but lost his cool due to misbehavior of Kavya.

“Calm down, Anshu. Let’s talk about it,” replied Kavya.

Kavya was a 20 years old sincere, intense, and quiet girl. She was also short tempered and always reacted on impulse without thinking about consequences. Her spontaneous nature was the most adorable thing for Anshu. She spent most of the time in books and loved contemplating about every day things.

“No, I won’t calm down. This is happening a lot. Every time you act weird, you tell me you were just kidding or give some stupid explanation. Is that what you are going do again?”

“No, I can explain. But, you need to calm down first.”

“What is there to explain? I’ve had enough of your explanations. You act weird, then give some stupid explanations, and expect me to understand you. I kept cool for so long. I tried to understand you every time. You know that, but I don’t know what your problem is?”

“Let’s do one thing. We will meet tomorrow and talk. Till then, just calm down.”

They were in a relationship for one and a half years. Kavya used to get angry over silly & funny things Anshu did to entertain her. She used to say a lot of things that shouldn’t be said, react on impulse without knowing what she is saying and Anshu used to understand her reactions. He knew it was her nature and she didn’t mean anything wrong. Sometimes, Anshu found her spontaneous reactions childish, but cute. He tried to make her angry on purpose to evoke those reactions. She used to get mad at her and Anshu used to coax. Little moments like, making her laugh by cracking jokes out of nowhere; making fun of her serious talks was making their relationship special. She was a serious kind of girl, but was so cheerful around Anshu. This time, it was Anshu who was getting angry and Kavya was trying to coax. The roles were reversed. That’s why they say it’s complicated in relationship.

They decided to meet at café where they met usually. But later, Anshu asked her to meet at their college ground. His intensions were clear. He wanted to confront her and break up. Her strange behavior, her mood swings were beyond his understanding now. He thought that his understanding kept their relationship going and she was doing same mistakes frequently. So, he decided that he will not listen to any stupid explanation she will give and break things up.

* * *

Anshu was sitting under the tree at the corner of the ground. It was 2’o’clock in the hot summer afternoon. The scorching heat of sun was nullified by shadow of a tree. It helped him to calm down and get ready to confront her. It was the most difficult conversation he was going to have. As she arrived, she gave a cheerful smile to Anshu, while he returned a contemptuous smile.

“Hi, you good?” asked Kavya in a charming tone.

“Wrong question,” said Anshu in a firm voice, looking intensely at her. She laughed.

“I know. And I’m the reason. I always wonder how you can find the humor out of nowhere. Even when you are angry, it doesn’t affect you. You can find it from anywhere.”

Kavya tried to cheer him up a little. She knew he wasn’t trying to be funny.

“We are not here to talk about my sense of humor.”

“Yeah. I apologize for my behavior with your friends and you. I said something to your friends and to you that I shouldn’t have. My mood swings and weird behavior is affecting you. I have let you down. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t need your stupid explanations and apologies again. I’ve had enough of it. I told you yesterday.”

“You’ve had nothing.”

“What are you talking about? You want me to tell you what you have done that proves I’ve had enough.”

“No, I want you to listen to me before you say you’ve had enough. Let me tell you something I have never told you before.”

“I’m listening.”

“My parents used to fight a lot. They still do. The only reason they have not divorced yet, is because of me and my sister. I have been going through this since childhood. Those loud noises, cursing each other, smashing things, enraged faces, and making mountains out of molehill. It was like hell. Their fights were like a tornado meeting a volcano. I just wanted to bury myself deep in the ground. I tried to ignore, but I can’t. They were my parents. My sister was an outgoing person. She used to go out with friends to escape from this and I used to immerse myself in books. Those books were unable to take me away from reality. So, I used to keep everything inside. And it erupts in different ways. Then, I get mood swings, I behave weirdly, and I say things I shouldn’t say. All these suppressed emotions, feelings, and rage are calling me constantly to get them out. And, I get mad over silly things. It doesn’t stop here. My sister is married, you know that. She is gone with her husband. So, my mother finds me to complain about my father. She complains how life is unfair and how my father made her life hell. I again feel weird. How am I supposed to react to it? She is in depression for years. She is on medication for years. I can’t go out. Because, when I try to, she stops me. She gets emotional. She tells me how she will be alone if I go out. If I stay, she starts disdaining father. And, I have to listen to it. Do you have any idea what I have to go through, what I have been going through?”

She was telling her story staring blankly at the ground with teary eyes. They exchanged gazes as she stopped for two seconds.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” said Anshu.

“Because I forget everything when I am with you. I don’t have to find an escape from reality, because I enjoy the present moment. You are a funny guy. I forget all the problems, laugh on your silly jokes, and feel good. And you have been so great to understand me every time I do all those stupid things. I know I was wrong yesterday and I will apologize to your friends.”

“Okay, I can never imagine what you go through. I understand you; but my friends won’t, because they don’t know this. And I don’t want them to know all this. So, you have to come to my room tomorrow and apologize to my friends.”

She agreed. He asked her to say no more. He wanted to enjoy the solitude and a gentle breeze under the tree in the hot afternoon. He swallowed the thought of break-up. This time, again, he was the one to understand her to keep relationship going. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to. That explanation wasn’t stupid. It was bitterly true and beautiful at the same time. His entire attitude toward her had changed. Now, he had more reasons to understand her weird behavior, mood swings, getting angry over silly things, and lot more. Her eyes filled with innocence, her ability to persevere, and her fortitude made him spellbound. He fell in love with her again. This time, more deeply.

The roles are never reversed in a relationship. Even if it reverses, it’s momentary. The crazy fact is, role reversal takes place only to make a relationship stronger.

 

 


 

(Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

When You Wish For a Miracle and Tragedy Happens

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“No, you can’t see my answers. Write your own. Or I’ll tell teacher,” I instructed Kamlesh.

“Hey, please! Show me. I don’t know any answer. Or teacher will punish me,” he replied.

We were in 4th standard. Kamlesh was my bench-mate. We were not good friends. But, we have to sit on the same bench as per seating arrangements made by teacher. He was an average student, thin, scraggly hair, fair, and had scrawl handwriting. He used to speak in Jalgaon Marathi accent, which was so irritating to me. Honestly, I never liked him. He was untidy and used to mutter something to himself often. I never wanted bench-mate like him.

I didn’t show him answers and teacher did not come to our bench. So, he got away this time again. And, I hated the fact that he used to get away every time. The day finished as usual. I used to always hope for a miracle at the end of the day. I always wished that teacher’s mind would have changed because of some miracle or anything. Something should happen on the next day and I get another bench-mate. I could not tolerate him for another day.

* * * *

Next day, my neighbor aunt rushed to our home with a newspaper in hand. She looked horrified. My mother asked her what happened and why was she rushing.

She said pointing to news, “A boy from Camp Education School died yesterday evening in bus accident.”

That was my school.

She continued, “He was in 4th standard. He jerked his hand from mother’s hand, ran across the street, and collided to bus. He died on the spot.”

My mother was shocked and took newspaper from her. She informed that the name of boy was Kamlesh Chaudhary. She asked me whether he was from my class as we had two divisions for each standard.

“Yes, he is my bench-mate,” I replied immediately without knowing the sobriety of news.

“He died yesterday in bus accident,” she informed again.

I had no reaction. I didn’t believe it. Tearful and misty-eyed face of neighbor aunt was telling me that it was a serious news. But, the news was difficult to digest. It was hard to understand the meaning of ‘died’ at that age. I could not believe that he was gone. Dying meant that he was not coming back to class again. My mother was reading the entire news and aunt was silent. I didn’t know how to react. I could not imagine he was not coming to class on that day.

* * * *

The news shattered everyone in school. The tribute was paid in general assembly session. Teachers were grieving. Classmates was looking at me or at my bench in my class. Some of them were advising me to not to keep my hand on his place. There might be his ghost, they warned me. Teachers used to come in class and ask me how I was feeling. I replied ‘bad’ to everyone. I was wondering why every teacher was asking me. He was not my good friend. I replied same to everyone, because I had a belief that people feel bad when someone dies. I was not feeling anything at that moment. I did not know the seriousness of situation.

* * * *

When I think about this incident now, I feel ashamed of myself. I felt nothing. How can I be so cold? The life is too small to hate someone. Everything changes in a blink of an eye. I cannot imaging how his parents felt at that time? Was his mother able to recover from this tragedy? She wouldn’t have slept for countless nights. When her mind rests from daily activities, those miserable moments would have been flashing in her mind. She might still be having imaginary conversations with her son about which dish he would like to have for dinner? She would have been turning pages of his notebook and caressing words on those pages. Screaming out her lungs to remind him of finishing his homework. I never know, she would have been packing his school bag for next few days. His father would have been missing the face that blossoms when he enters home after having a long day at work. He would never have a moment when he sees his sandals fitting perfectly into his son’s feet and realize his son has been grown up. No one could imagine what his parents were going through at that point of time.

Today, I don’t know how they are. Are they able to recover? Parents would suffer and recover from any tragedy. But, no mother would want to see the god calling her son in front of her eyes. And I felt nothing at that time. How heartless, spineless, and cold I was! I feel guilty that I didn’t try to understand him, spent every minute disdaining him. I have always been judgmental. In the end, all I did was, give a robotic response of feeling bad for the loss. I never wanted a miracle to happen in this way.

The crazy fact is, I wished for a miracle, but tragedy happened.


 

(Image courtesy of Sira Anamwong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

I Hate To Be A Nice Guy

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A nice guy, who is always agreeable
Not because he doesn’t have an opinion
But because he respects opinion of others
And they think he agrees with what they say,
Do whatever they do, follow what they follow,
But when he expresses his opinion, counters their opinions,
They think he’s being irrational, eccentric,
He’s being weird, strange; no one wants his different opinion
They all get mad at him, inside their mind, they are saying
Something is wrong with him; we didn’t expect it from him,
Well, he is a nice guy, why is he behaving so strange?
He is not allowed to be himself or take a stand,
Those eyes saying you are not anymore the guy you used to be
And I hate to be that nice guy in the first place.

A nice guy, who doesn’t say anything
When others are talking about someone,
Behind their backs, discussing their shortcomings,
He wants to stay away from negativity,
So he stays silent, and that silence is misinterpreted
As he thinks the same way we think about them
Someone sells everyone out and informs the guy,
What they were talking about him and his demeanor
With anger taking hold of his mind, he rushes to confront,
But finds someone easier to do blame, of course, that nice guy,
Spit out everything on him to empty his mind,
But the nice guy doesn’t say a word,
He understands this is not the right time to solve the misunderstanding
But he has to hear those hurtful words,
I didn’t expect it from you; you are a nice guy, not like those guys
And I hate to be that nice guy in the first place.

A nice guy, who always obeys his parents,
Do not misbehave, good in studies, no complaints from teachers,
Always following the system, not doing anything naughty,
Or something that his parents wouldn’t allow,
One day, he finds something he loves,
Something that he is so passionate about,
Something that takes his sleep away,
He wants to follow his dream, do what he loves to do,
But his parents do not allow it on terms of not being realistic,
Even after persistent requests, they are not ready to understand him
He is forced to do what they think is right,
Because he never did something against their wish,
This time will not be an exception,
Because he is always been a nice guy, and never rebelled,
And I hate to that nice guy in the first place.

A nice guy, who admires that beautiful girl
Treats her with respect and generosity,
Listens to her small things, even though it doesn’t matter to him,
She shares everything with him; he helps her in every way possible,
Never try to show-off or pretends to be a flirt,
But in the process, falls in love with her spontaneity, her smartness,
When expresses his feelings to her,
All he gets is, I don’t look at you that way,
And an assurance from her that
Someday, he will get a very nice girl
Gets friendzoned or brozoned,
In a meantime, showing her boyfriend’s picture,
Asks how’s my handsome hunk? Isn’t he cute?
Yes, he is, is my diplomatic response
Until I notice his cool sports bike & Armani shoes,
He has to make those genuine feelings disappear,
And I hate to be that nice guy in the first place.

A nice guy, who knows what’s going on in
His friends’ mind, life & can spot a little change in behavior
Who listens to their feelings and stay calm when they are angry
They take out their frustration on him,
Speak their heart out, he listens intently,
Assists in solving their problems, clean their mess
But when he is angry and emotional, they ask him to keep quiet
Or make fun of his display of emotions,
He is not allowed to take his frustration, his anger out,
They take his feelings for granted, do not respect those,
No one is ready to give an ear to listen what he has to say
Not interested to understand what’s going on in his mind,
He’s taken for granted for always being sweet and smiling,
And I hate to be that nice guy in the first place.

A nice guy, who becomes lonely inside,
Wishes to become The Joker from The Dark Knight,
Plans to form a network of all other nice guys,
To wear an actual mask to unmask every truth,
To clear every misunderstanding in a hostile way,
By choosing the path of destruction,
The world doesn’t get them when they are being nice
Maybe the other way will do it,
Though he has a dark side, but can’t choose the path of destruction,
And the crazy fact, this time, it’s not people,
But him, who doesn’t expect ‘that’ from him,
And again, I hate to be that nice guy in the first place.


 

(Image courtesy of artur84 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

Understanding – The Two Way Street

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“I know what Squash means to you. If you play good, you are happy and in good mood. But if things do not work out as planned in court, you are frustrated. And after the match, you are agitated. You can take the frustration out on me. You won’t get an answer in return,” said Ricky to Mathew.

“You got me. That’s true. Thanks for understanding me,” replied Mathew.

*          *         *

Ricky and other three friends were giggling at usual hangout place. One of them cracked a ridiculous joke and everyone burst out laughing. Everybody responded the way friends who are on same wavelength respond to any ridiculous joke. As a friendly gesture to this joke, Ricky, who is well known for his indecent and stupid activities, opened arms and stepped back laughing showing his uncontrollable riotous laugh. The moment he stepped back, his back feet fell on Mathew’s leg, whom he didn’t see coming from his backside. Mathew stroked his head with his hand, in response to his inability to see him coming.

“Why did you get your hands on me?” retorted Ricky.

“You got your feet on mine. And you are laughing indecently like this, are you mad or what?” clarified Mathew.

“I am mad or not is not the question here. I didn’t know you were coming from backside. How am I supposed to see what is happening on my back side? You knew I am getting back, why didn’t you get away from me?”

“You keep your absurd reactions to yourself. Those reactions are hurting people.”

“But it was unintentional. I couldn’t see you coming. I was ready to understand you when it comes to squash. And if you are not ready to understand these honest mistakes, I don’t care how you feel after Squash match. You don’t get to take your frustration on me from now.”

The crazy fact is, understanding is the two way street. If we are giving it to someone, there is nothing wrong in expecting back the same.


Curve Road – Image courtesy of nuttakit at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Handshake – Image courtesy of graur razvan ionut at FreeDigitalPhotos.net