आसूओमें शरीक ना हुए तो बात क्या

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शिकायत हमे उस मुकद्दरसे नहीं,
जो हमसे उन्हें जुदा कर गया,
शिकायत हमे उस लम्हे से है,
जो आखरी अलविदे के वक़्त थम नहीं गया |

वो मुस्कुराहटे, वो तकरारे, वो मीठी बाते,
वो यादे, दर्द देती हे जर्रे जर्रे से,
बिछडनेसे कुछ अंश निकल गया हमारे अंदरसे,
तो आजकल हम रहते है सहमे सहमे से |

आसू ना बहे, पागल ना हुए,
चंद दिनों का सफ़र सदियो की तरह ना लगे तो बात क्या,
और उन आसूओमें सदियों का सफ़र सिमट कर,
हम उसमें शरीक ना हुए तो बात क्या |

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Because You Are… Irreplaceable

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It doesn’t matter how far you go,
you are always going to be,
In my mind, in my heart, and in my soul.
Because you are… Irreplaceable.

I think, no, I know, for sure,
you have been imbibed in my soul.
Not For a day or a year, but forever.
Because you are… Irreplaceable.

That’s why, wherever you go,
I always find you around me.
The same girl, the same innocence.
Because you are… Irreplaceable.

I have imaginary conversations with you,
I replay our conversations,
And I just smile at myself.
Because you are… Irreplaceable.

Whenever I feel like sharing something,
Something deep, something special with someone,
I think of you, and only you,
Because you are… Irreplaceable.

But you are not there,
So I keep everything inside,
And it stays there forever,
Because you are… Irreplaceable.

The crazy fact,
I don’t even share special moments,
Because the special person is gone,
I try to think of someone else, but I can’t.
Because you are… Irreplaceable.

Taken For Granted, Once Again

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I waited. Counting each second, feeling each breath, listening every sound, and watching every thought. The stomach twisting with hunger, tears dripping with memories, and body shrinking with cold. The hope and anticipation running through every vein. Every heartbeat telling me, she will come. We were meeting after a decade. All the chaos, all the anxiety, all the turbulence, and all the thoughts, about just one thing. When will she come?

But she must had been there. An hour passed since the time we decided to meet. How could not she come on time? Wasn’t she excited to see me?

The impatience growing inside me, those memories replaying in my head, and the recollection of suffering I endured were making me restless. I thought she must have been stuck somewhere. So I started the bike and traced along the path from where she was supposed to come. My eyes craved for a glance of her and she kept them craving.

I returned to the place. I sat there for one more hour. At last, I realized, I accepted, she is not coming. I swirled the chocolate on the road, threw the gift in dustbin, and rushed to restroom to wipe away tears. I looked into the mirror. I could literally tell the difference between my tears and water splashed on my face. I had to wash four to five times. They were tears of unfairness. First, I had to endure the suffering of separation. And now, I had to endure the emptiness. Still, tears didn’t stop. How could they? The crazy fact is, I had been taken for granted. Once again.

Mine Is Also Broken

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He stopped on his way to home from office as he saw her outside his office building. She could see a disappointing expression on his face, but pretended that everything was fine between them. He continues walking; neglecting her with his face indicating a rift that cannot be fixed.
“Is that how you treat your acquaintances? Don’t they teach you manners in here?” said she, playfully. He stopped.
“Is that how you break someone’s heart?” said he, without looking at her. Sumit was an IT professional, in his mid twenties, and chose to walk 10 kilometers every day from office to home as a punishment after heartbreak.
“How about, hi Ayushi, how are you? And then we can talk about that?” said she, a cheerful, vivacious, and articulate girl. They were in a relationship for eight years. This was the first they were meeting after the marriage of Ayushi.
“You broke my heart and there is nothing else to talk about. Then why are you here?”
“I’m here to talk to you to make you realize that just because I broke your heart doesn’t mean mine is not broken.”

***

They strolled up to a kilometer. Sumit was still hesitant to talk, while Ayushi was trying to cheer him up to talk in an attempt to make him forgive her.
“Let’s be adults now and talk about what happened and how it happened, so you will stop giving yourself this senseless punishment,” said she.
“I don’t know why people think this is senseless, like they did all the meaningful things in their lives,” replied he. The sarcasm hurt her. But she knew there was a lot more coming on her way.
“Let me tell you something. I take full responsibility of what happened. But please listen to me. I’m asking you to be a guy who always understood me in a way no one else did.”
“Why? Are you the same caring girl who always cared about my feelings? And taking full responsibility after what happened, doesn’t change anything.”
“But opening about how you feel does.”
“Let’s do that. I’m ready to open up and tell you how I feel.”
He paused for a moment. Ayushi was excited to hear what he had to say.
He said, “I feel you are wearing nice shoes. But looking at those, I don’t think you can walk into it for 10 kilometers, so why don’t you just stop, leave me alone, and get along with your life?”
“Thanks. And how about you getting into those shoes? Forget about walking next 10 kilometers, you will get an idea of how I have walked till now.”
He halted, gazed at her, and said, “Okay, I’m listening.”
***

She told her about the emotional roller coaster ride she went through and not involving him in the process because of her father’s threats. Acquainted with her father’s capabilities, she knew her father didn’t make any empty threats. She told Sumit that she took the decision to go against her wishes only to protect him. He didn’t buy it. But he also forgot that he was also responsible equally for not coming forward. Though Ayushi didn’t allow him to confront her father, he had to take a chance. After all, she was his life. But he was into the periphery of blaming her that he could not see a mirror. And she was not aware of any mirror because the lack of confrontation was out of integrity of their relationship.
***

“You told me your side of story. Now, let me tell you, I’m not mad at you anymore. Whatever happened was not entirely your fault. I’m equally responsible for it. I should have confronted your father. I know your father and I also know why were you stopping me. It would have been my privilege to die for you. I should’ve died once, because it’s better than dying every day,” admitted Sumit. Tears dripped down from Ayushi’s eyes.
“Don’t say that,” said Ayushi, trying to take blame on herself.
“Ayushi, wake up,” aroused her husband. “I’m sorry. Last night, I was way off the line. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m ready to apologize and I’ll make up for that. How about shopping and then lunch at your favorite place?”
It took a moment to figure out that it was a dream and yet Sumit had not forgiven her.
“I know it hurt you so much that you can’t stop thinking about it in your sleep. I know I’ve hurt you. Please forgive me,” said her husband.
“It’s fine,” said Ayushi. Her husband hugged and thanked her. Her mother-in-law called them for breakfast from kitchen.
After two years of marriage, she was still seeking forgiveness from Sumit. The crazy fact is, she had to go through another day in which she had to choose what she had with them over she might have had with Sumit.


(Image courtesy of smarnad at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

Broken Strings of Guitar

“Do they conduct guitar classes in here?” asked Pratiksha as Kaushal stepped out of a multi-facility hall.

“I don’t know that,” replied Kaushal. “But I know one thing, no guitarist can compose a tune as beautiful as you.”

She laughed. And he lost himself in her uninhibited laughter, just like he did when he used to stare her furtively in college and she laughed like there was no tomorrow.

“No, you’re wrong,” said she as she regained her gasp. “I know two guitarists who composed a tune as beautiful as me.”

“Ohh! You are right,” exclaimed he. “Your parents.”

“Yes.”

Both of them remained quiet for few moments, looked around nervously to avoid eye contact, and pretended everything was normal.

Finally, Pratiksha broke that awkward silence, “It’s good to see you, Kaushal. You are doing great. You have become a guitar teacher and a member of a band, which plays at Hard Rock Café every Tuesday.”

“What are you doing here?” retorted he.

“Do you mean, how are you? Good to see you too.”

He was quiet and staring at the ring in her finger. She left him without a goodbye after being in a relationship for six years.

“I want to talk to you,” said she.

“There is nothing to talk about,” said he, indifferently.

“Yes, there is.”

“No, there isn’t.”

“You don’t know what is happening to that tune now? And what that tune is going through?”

“I know one thing. Those two guitarists composed a beautiful tune and then broke the strings. The only difference was; those were the strings of two hearts. Those strings always played a melodious tunes of love. But social stigmas found those tunes discordant, so they broke it and thought one of those strings will compose a tune harmoniously with an unknown strings. And you followed them.”

“That’s not the whole symphony.”

“I don’t want to strike those cords now. I realized that some tunes, no matter how harmonious they sound, were not meant to be played together.”

“There is a reason why they were not forced to play together. And I’m here to tell that.”

“Then you have to keep that reason to yourself. Because I’m not mad at you for what you have done. You don’t have to clarify yourself. I’ve moved on. I also realized that destiny is a conductor in the orchestra and we are just musicians playing on its directions.”

I’m Not Accepting This Time

‘Do you remember the only time you opened up?’

‘You accepted.’

‘You think I’m going to accept this time?’

‘I know you have a kind heart.’

‘The kind heart didn’t deserve that.’

‘I know. But you also know I’m genuinely saying it.’

‘I know, but I’m not accepting this time.’

First time, he said ‘I love you’ and this time, he said, ‘I am sorry.’

‘Please? I need you.’

‘I’m not accepting, because when you opened up the first time, you loved a kind heart, and now you are opening up to make that kind heart an alternative to your loneliness.’

The Broken Heart Must Be Bold

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The stories remain untold,
The mysteries to unfold,
The broken heart must be bold,
The dark secrets, after all, it has to hold.


(Image courtesy of samuiblue at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

Unreciprocated Love

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I gestured shopkeeper,
My forefinger and middle finger,
Forming a V-shape,
All other fingers rolled in toward palm,
He brought two Chocolate Cadburys,
It was my routine while going to college.

That’s when I saw her,
I don’t like chocolate at all,
Get me a milk Cadbury,
She declared to her friend.
I was astonished to hear that.
After all, who doesn’t like chocolate?

My love for chocolate was endless.
I could not live without chocolate.
And she didn’t like chocolate at all,
She demanded milk Cadbury,
And I don’t like milk at all,
I smiled to myself, startled.

She was a new girl in our colony.
Beautiful, jovial, assertive, and bubbly.
Her brash and carefree stance,
Was enough for me to fall in love.
I was intense, more formal, and quiet.
When alone, I couldn’t help myself, but blush.

After all, how a relationship would grow,
Without two people with opposite personalities,
Complete each other,
Complement each other,
And fall in love with,
Everything they are not.

And we fell in love,
I can’t tell you how it happened,
Because I start blushing as I reminisce,
Everything happened to me,
For the first time,
She was my first love.

Those feelings can’t be described,
When we walked together holding hands,
When we smiled on each other’s weirdness,
When we looked in each other’s eyes fondly,
When we watched sunset silently,
When we appreciated each other’s individuality.

And… That one day,
When she told me she was leaving me,
Her parents found a match for her,
He was an NRI, working in foreign countries,
He was indeed better for their prestige,
But that was for her parents.

I was a simple guy, having a decent job,
After all, I had unlimited love for her.
But, I was shattered when she said,
I am leaving you for him, I tried to convince,
I will reach that level, just give me some time,
But, she left me with nothing, but shattered dreams.

And… Now,
The love for chocolates has ended, permanently.
Every time I think of eating chocolates,
It reminds me of the girl,
Whom I loved unconditionally,
Whom I accepted as the way she was.

Even though I eat it,
The sweetness has become sour,
The essence of cocoa has disappeared.
The passion with which I ate, is no more,
Though shopkeeper is offering for free now,
But the vehemence for chocolates has been dissolved.

How a person can change someone’s life?
How a person can make the world upside down?
Why a person can’t wait?
Why a person runs behind an oasis?
Is it my fault to choose love above all?
Is it my mistake to fall for everything I am not?

The crazy fact,
We were same,
We both fell in love,
With everything ‘I’ am not.
For me, it was about nature,
But for her, it was about bank account.


 

(Image courtesy of Sira Anamwong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

All Of My Life, I Waited Too…

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This post is a sequel of  All Of My Life, I Waited…


All of my life,
I waited too for you to blush,
After I say hello with smile,
I enjoyed your shyness.
But, you thought I never cared.

All of my life,
I waited too to sing many songs for you,
Only you were the one,
Who engrossed fully in my voice.
But, you thought I never cared.

All of my life,
I waited too for you to make eye contacts,
So I could see that adoration in your eyes,
Your eyes expressed everything honestly.
But, you thought I never cared.

All of my life,
I waited too for your nonsense jokes,
I never noticed about what you said,
But that innocence with which you said.
But, you thought I never cared.

All of my life,
I waited too for you to listen to me,
Only you understood my anger,
You were the one I found so close.
But, you thought I never cared.

All of my life,
I waited too to celebrate my glories with you,
When you congratulated me,
I could see your eyes overflowing with happiness.
But, you thought I never cared.

All of my life,
I waited too to talk trash and go crazy,
And, you didn’t try to get me back to normal,
Instead, you started talking trash and went crazy with me.
But, you thought I never cared.

All of my life,
I waited too to fall in love with you, again and again,
I had flaws, but you made me feel special about me.
Only you accepted me as the way I am.
But, you thought I never cared.

All of my life,
I waited too for more than one gestures,
To express my love openly & wholeheartedly,
Yes, I loved you more than anything.
But, you thought I never cared.

And now,

I’m glad I cared about being a nice girl,
Because now I wonder if you ever loved me,
Why don’t you listen to me once?

I’m glad I cared about being a nice girl,
And I’ll tell you now, why I’m glad?
You don’t have the slightest idea what I had gone through.

I’m glad I cared about being a nice girl,
Because my parents and all my relatives turned against me,
When I told them I want to spend my life with you.

I’m glad I cared about being a nice girl,
Because you were afraid to come to my father,
And ask for my hand like a gentleman.

I had to care about being a nice girl,
Because knowing my father’s aura and position,
And you never dared to confront my father.

I’m glad I cared about being a nice girl,
Because you chose your safety over our love at that time.
I fought for us and you only asked, what’s going on?

I’m glad I cared about being a nice girl,
Though you chose safety, I decided to choose love.
And I fought with them every moment for us.

I’m glad I cared about being a nice girl,
Knowing I am not going to change my mind,
My father tried to commit suicide.

I’m glad I cared about being a nice girl,
Fortunately, my uncle saved him and I had no choice.
To care about social dogmas and marry that guy.

I’m glad I cared about being a nice girl,
Though I apologized you thousand times,
You never tried to understand me.

I’m glad I cared about being a nice girl,
Because you never took responsibility,
For what happened to us, you only blamed me.

I’m glad I cared about being a nice girl,
Because I realized, my father was giving away his life,
Not for the social dogmas, but for a loser like you.

I’m glad I cared about being a nice girl,
Because, my husband always tries to understand me,
And stays by my side whenever I need him.

The crazy fact,
I’m glad I cared about being a nice girl,
Because it’s not them,
It’s you,
Who took my existence for granted,
When I needed you the most.


 

(Image courtesy of radnatt at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

All Of My Life, I Waited…

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All of my life,
I waited for that hello,
And your charming smile
That blossoms with it,
But, you never cared.

All of my life,
I waited for to listen,
That song you always hummed
With your melodious voice,
But, you never cared.

All of my life,
I waited to make that eye contact,
And pretend like we caught
Each other’s gazes coincidently,
But, you never cared.

All of my life,
I waited for that spontaneity,
With which, you reacted
To my silly jokes.
But, you never cared.

All of my life,
I waited to suffer with you,
When you expressed your feelings
In anger or frustration or anxiety.
But, you never cared.

All of my life,
I waited to enjoy with you,
When your hard work and dedication
Resulted in your glories and achievements.
But, you never cared.

All of my life,
I waited to attain perfection,
And, you made me realize that
Only you made me perfect.
But, you never cared.

All of my life,
I waited to fall in love again and again,
With your flaws and weaknesses,
I just wanted you to be yourself, always.
But you never cared.

All of my life,
I waited for that one gesture,
When you express your love
Openly and wholeheartedly,
But, you never cared.

But you,

You only cared about being a nice girl,
And they forced you to marry,
A guy who didn’t even know you beyond your beauty.

You only cared about being a nice girl,
For those who didn’t care about you.
But, only cared about social dogmas.

You only cared about being a nice girl,
See where it has gotten you,
They get angry at you when you try to be who you are.

And the crazy fact,

You only cared about being a nice girl,
Left me, took my love and my feelings for granted,
And now… they have taken your existence for granted.


 

Also check out the sequel of this post – All Of My Life, I Waited Too…

(Image courtesy of tuelekza at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)